When our first child comes into this world and we hold their tiny
little bodies close to ours, we snuggle and our heart becomes full. We
hope and pray for their futures. We wonder about who they will become.
We memorize each tiny minute detail of their face. And then of course we
vow to always be there. To love them, raise them to the best of our
abilities, and to always protect them. We are parents and it is our life
long commitment to our children. I have made this promise four times
and each one seems like just yesterday. Each time I looked into the
beautiful innocent eyes of my children and I promised to always protect
them. I know now that it was a promise I could not keep. Of course I
love them and I will raise them the best I can, but I cannot protect
them from everything.
It started with their first cold or illness. The long nights, runny noses and tears… so many tears (maybe not just the kids) it’s enough to make a mommy go crazy. The helpless feeling while rocking a sick child in the middle of the night can be so debilitating. I know I have said more than once, “Mommy would make it better if I could; you will feel better soon.” We can’t avoid the pain of teething. Sure there are things to negate some of the pain, but growing teeth is a long process and it usually disrupts life for a bit. My children get sick or hurt and I can’t always protect them from it.
Then they start crawling and take their first steps. Oh what a joyous occasion… until they knock into the corner of the coffee table and get their first fat lip or black eye (yes my sons have had their fair share of black eyes). I don’t know whether it is because I have three boys, but it seems like our house is the land of skinned knees and scratched up faces. I can’t tell you how many magic kisses and band aids have been doled out over the last five years in my house. At first I felt like I wasn’t watching close enough, but as it happened more often and with each consecutive child I realized I just can’t catch them every time. I can help pick them up (and teach them some basic first aid), but I can’t prevent every accident.
Then it was off to preschool. My sweet children went off to play and learn under someone else’s care. And then it happened. Something I hadn’t prepared them for. Something I hadn’t prepared myself for. It wasn’t a physical hurt that I had failed to protect them from. It was an emotional one. I came to the class to pick the boys up and one of their teachers pulled me aside. She said there had been an incident with one of my boys. I was nervous. I couldn’t help but think “oh god what have they done?” (trust me — with three boys all in the same preschool class, I just figured it was inevitable that they will cause a fuss sometimes). But then she went on to tell me about the incident.
One of my boys was taunted by several other boys in the class. They stood around him and told him to say a word he had never heard before. When I asked him later he told me he didn’t know the word, but he knew it was bad because his friends told him it was. They goaded and teased him until he said the F word. (When his teacher told me I know my mouth dropped open a little, what preschoolers even know that word? I know it was a naive thought to have, but I just thought a child’s innocence should last a little longer). As soon as he said it they ran to the teacher and told on him. When he was questioned by the teacher about his actions, he broke down and cried inconsolably for almost 20 minutes. It was almost to the point where they were going to call me to come calm him down. Eventually the boys who had done the teasing told the teachers what they had done so they were pretty sure about how it happened, and she apologized for my son being so upset.
It may not seem like such a big deal, but I made a promise to protect my kids and I brought one son home from school who was devastated. I had become accustomed to fixing booboos and taking care of bumps and scrapes, but this was different. My son’s heart was hurting because his friends had done this to him. All in one day he was faced with teasing, adult language, and peer pressure. In my heart I wasn’t ready to face these things yet, to tell my kids about the pain that other people in this world can cause. I had to sit down and have a discussion with him about adult language. I had to tell him that sometimes kids act mean and some can hurt your feelings. I had to talk to him about peer pressure and not doing things you know are wrong even if your friends are telling you to. It was a difficult day for us and I hadn’t expected it in preschool.
Like with all their booboos and illnesses I felt that twang of guilt. It is the small pain in my heart when I know I can’t keep my child safe from everything. As soon as I feel it I think of one of my favorite Disney Quotes from Finding Nemo and I can’t help but smile.
Oh Dory, such a smart and insightful little fish. I know that five
years ago I promised my oldest son that I would protect him. I remade my
promise three more times in the next three years. But it was never
really a promise I could fulfill, nor would I really want to. My heart
aches when my children are in pain. I feel sick to my stomach at the
thought of someone teasing my kids. But it may help teach them to not do
it to others. I know I can’t protect them for forever and this is just
the one of many situations to come.
With four kids I am sure we will have our fair share of ER trips for broken bones or stitches. I know that they will face sadness in their lives and I can’t stop it. The tumultuous teenage years are just going to tear at my heart. I know I can’t always protect them, but I can be there to guide them. I can be there to help with pain and take them to the doctor when they need it. I will be there to teach them empathy and compassion. I will give out hugs and kisses to show my love and support. I will listen when they need to talk. I will always be there even when I can’t protect them.
It started with their first cold or illness. The long nights, runny noses and tears… so many tears (maybe not just the kids) it’s enough to make a mommy go crazy. The helpless feeling while rocking a sick child in the middle of the night can be so debilitating. I know I have said more than once, “Mommy would make it better if I could; you will feel better soon.” We can’t avoid the pain of teething. Sure there are things to negate some of the pain, but growing teeth is a long process and it usually disrupts life for a bit. My children get sick or hurt and I can’t always protect them from it.
Then they start crawling and take their first steps. Oh what a joyous occasion… until they knock into the corner of the coffee table and get their first fat lip or black eye (yes my sons have had their fair share of black eyes). I don’t know whether it is because I have three boys, but it seems like our house is the land of skinned knees and scratched up faces. I can’t tell you how many magic kisses and band aids have been doled out over the last five years in my house. At first I felt like I wasn’t watching close enough, but as it happened more often and with each consecutive child I realized I just can’t catch them every time. I can help pick them up (and teach them some basic first aid), but I can’t prevent every accident.
Then it was off to preschool. My sweet children went off to play and learn under someone else’s care. And then it happened. Something I hadn’t prepared them for. Something I hadn’t prepared myself for. It wasn’t a physical hurt that I had failed to protect them from. It was an emotional one. I came to the class to pick the boys up and one of their teachers pulled me aside. She said there had been an incident with one of my boys. I was nervous. I couldn’t help but think “oh god what have they done?” (trust me — with three boys all in the same preschool class, I just figured it was inevitable that they will cause a fuss sometimes). But then she went on to tell me about the incident.
One of my boys was taunted by several other boys in the class. They stood around him and told him to say a word he had never heard before. When I asked him later he told me he didn’t know the word, but he knew it was bad because his friends told him it was. They goaded and teased him until he said the F word. (When his teacher told me I know my mouth dropped open a little, what preschoolers even know that word? I know it was a naive thought to have, but I just thought a child’s innocence should last a little longer). As soon as he said it they ran to the teacher and told on him. When he was questioned by the teacher about his actions, he broke down and cried inconsolably for almost 20 minutes. It was almost to the point where they were going to call me to come calm him down. Eventually the boys who had done the teasing told the teachers what they had done so they were pretty sure about how it happened, and she apologized for my son being so upset.
It may not seem like such a big deal, but I made a promise to protect my kids and I brought one son home from school who was devastated. I had become accustomed to fixing booboos and taking care of bumps and scrapes, but this was different. My son’s heart was hurting because his friends had done this to him. All in one day he was faced with teasing, adult language, and peer pressure. In my heart I wasn’t ready to face these things yet, to tell my kids about the pain that other people in this world can cause. I had to sit down and have a discussion with him about adult language. I had to tell him that sometimes kids act mean and some can hurt your feelings. I had to talk to him about peer pressure and not doing things you know are wrong even if your friends are telling you to. It was a difficult day for us and I hadn’t expected it in preschool.
Like with all their booboos and illnesses I felt that twang of guilt. It is the small pain in my heart when I know I can’t keep my child safe from everything. As soon as I feel it I think of one of my favorite Disney Quotes from Finding Nemo and I can’t help but smile.
Marlin (Nemo’s Dad): I promised I’d never let anything happen to him.
Dory: Hmm. That’s a funny thing to promise.
Marlin: What?
Dory: Well, you can’t never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo.
With four kids I am sure we will have our fair share of ER trips for broken bones or stitches. I know that they will face sadness in their lives and I can’t stop it. The tumultuous teenage years are just going to tear at my heart. I know I can’t always protect them, but I can be there to guide them. I can be there to help with pain and take them to the doctor when they need it. I will be there to teach them empathy and compassion. I will give out hugs and kisses to show my love and support. I will listen when they need to talk. I will always be there even when I can’t protect them.
No comments:
Post a Comment