I can't protect them from everything

When our first child comes into this world and we hold their tiny little bodies close to ours, we snuggle and our heart becomes full.  We hope and pray for their futures.  We wonder about who they will become. We memorize each tiny minute detail of their face. And then of course we vow to always be there.  To love them, raise them to the best of our abilities, and to always protect them. We are parents and it is our life long commitment to our children. I have made this promise four times and each one seems like just yesterday. Each time I looked into the beautiful innocent eyes of my children and I promised to always protect them. I know now that it was a promise I could not keep. Of course I love them and I will raise them the best I can, but I cannot protect them from everything.

It started with their first cold or illness. The long nights, runny noses and tears… so many tears (maybe not just the kids) it’s enough to make a mommy go crazy.  The helpless feeling while rocking a sick child in the middle of the night can be so debilitating.  I know I have said more than once, “Mommy would make it better if I could; you will feel better soon.”  We can’t avoid the pain of teething.  Sure there are things to negate some of the pain, but growing teeth is a long process and it usually disrupts life for a bit.  My children get sick or hurt and I can’t always protect them from it.

Then they start crawling and take their first steps.  Oh what a joyous occasion… until they knock into the corner of the coffee table and get their first fat lip or black eye (yes my sons have had their fair share of black eyes).  I don’t know whether it is because I have three boys, but it seems like our house is the land of skinned knees and scratched up faces. I can’t tell you how many magic kisses and band aids have been doled out over the last five years in my house. At first I felt like I wasn’t watching close enough, but as it happened more often and with each consecutive child I realized I just can’t catch them every time. I can help pick them up (and teach them some basic first aid), but I can’t prevent every accident.

Then it was off to preschool.  My sweet children went off to play and learn under someone else’s care.   And then it happened.  Something I hadn’t prepared them for.  Something I hadn’t prepared myself for.  It wasn’t a physical hurt that I had failed to protect them from. It was an emotional one. I came to the class to pick the boys up and one of their teachers pulled me aside. She said there had been an incident with one of my boys. I was nervous. I couldn’t help but think “oh god what have they done?”  (trust me — with three boys all in the same preschool class, I just figured it was inevitable that they will cause a fuss sometimes). But then she went on to tell me about the incident.

One of my boys was taunted by several other boys in the class.  They stood around him and told him to say a word he had never heard before.  When I asked him later he  told me he didn’t know the word, but he knew it was bad because his friends told him it was.  They goaded and  teased him until he said the F word.  (When his teacher told me I know my mouth dropped open a little, what preschoolers even know that word? I know it was a naive thought to have, but I just thought  a child’s innocence should last a little longer). As soon as he said it they ran to the teacher and told on him. When he was questioned by the teacher about his actions, he broke down and cried inconsolably for almost 20 minutes. It was almost to the point where they were going to call me to come calm him down. Eventually the boys who had done the teasing told the teachers what they had done so they were pretty sure about how it happened, and she apologized for my son being so upset.

It may not seem like such a big deal, but I made a promise to protect my kids and I brought one son home from school who was devastated. I had become accustomed to fixing booboos and taking care of bumps and scrapes, but this was different. My son’s heart was hurting because his friends had done this to him.  All in one day he was faced with teasing, adult language, and peer pressure. In my heart I wasn’t ready to face these things yet, to tell my kids about the pain that other people in this world can cause.  I had to sit down and have a discussion with him about adult language.  I had to tell him that sometimes kids act mean and some can hurt your feelings.  I had to talk to him about peer pressure and not doing things you know are wrong even if your friends are telling you to. It was a difficult day for us and I hadn’t expected it in preschool.

Like with all their booboos and illnesses I felt that twang of guilt.  It is the small pain in my heart when I know I can’t keep my child safe from everything.  As soon as I feel it I think of one of my favorite Disney Quotes from Finding Nemo and I can’t help but smile.

Marlin (Nemo’s Dad):  I promised I’d never let anything happen to him.

Dory: Hmm. That’s a funny thing to promise.

Marlin: What?

Dory: Well, you can’t never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo.

Oh Dory, such a smart and insightful little fish.  I know that five years ago I promised my oldest son that I would protect him. I remade my promise three more times in the next three years. But it was never really a promise I could fulfill, nor would I really want to.  My heart aches when my children are in pain. I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of someone teasing my kids. But it may help teach them to not do it to others. I know I can’t protect them for forever and this is just the one of many situations to come.

With four kids I am sure we will have our fair share of ER trips for broken bones or stitches. I know that they will face sadness in their lives and I can’t stop it.  The tumultuous teenage years are just going to tear at my heart.  I know I can’t always protect them, but I can be there to guide them. I can be there to help with pain and take them to the doctor when they need it.  I will be there to teach them empathy and compassion. I will give out hugs and kisses to show my love and support.  I will listen when they need to talk.  I will always be  there even when I can’t protect them.

Dapper Day at Disneyland

On February 23 it was Dapper Day at Disneyland.  This was a new event for us this year that we found out about last September.  We happened to be at Disneyland celebrating my niece's birthday and we saw tons of people dressed to the nines, many were in vintage styles.  I couldn't believe it.  Usually Disneyland is a place of shorts and T-shirts but on that day there were so many woman in beautiful dresses and the men were in suits.   We had no idea what was going on so we stopped someone to ask and we were told it was Dapper Day.  Me mom and I absolutely loved our day at Disneyland.  We sat there at lunch people watching as all the beautifully dressed people passed us by and we knew we wanted to attend the next event.

So here is the low down on Dapper Day.  It is not actually put on by Disney.  It is a normal park day and everyone is responsible for getting their own ticket.  It happens twice a  year, once in the spring and once in fall.  The day is not really a costume day.  It really is about looking your best while going out.  I love walking down Main street and seeing all the dresses and suits.  It is like taking a step back into the past when people did dress their best when attending Disneyland.

We were so excited about the next Dapper day we started thinking up ideas right away.  However my mom and I had some other projects to work on like Halloween costumes and homemade bags for Christmas gifts.  But In January we went into full swing for Dapper Day.  Here are the outfits we made and the day we had at Disneyland.

First up the boys.

I knew I wanted to make vest and bow ties for my boys.  They like dressing up and I knew I could get them to wear a vest with a fairly simple outfit.  The key with these little guys is comfort.  I knew we couldn't do anything super fancy or hot otherwise they would not keep them on throughout the day.  We picked out a pattern from McCall's for both the vest and bow tie, however my mom ended up putting Velcro in the back of the bow tie instead of an elastic band.

Before we made the vests I told them about the different fabrics we could choose from and I let them each pick what Disney characters they wanted. The twins both picked out a Frozen Fabric.  They were both so excited to be able to have something to wear that had Anna and Elsa on it.  Frozen is one of their favorite movies and they absolutely love Elsa the snow queen.  Unfortunately for them, there are no boys Anna and Elsa shirts.  At the Disney store they are all in the girls section and a bit frilly.  James originally wanted batman but when I told him batman wasn't from Disney so he settled for his second favorite Lightening McQueen and Matter.

I went with a simple polo shirt (I had a ton from when James started TK at a school that required uniforms) and khakis.  I thought they might fight me on the pants because usually they like to wear elastic waist sports pants but since they knew it was Dapper Day they were excited to look their best.  They even put on their fancy dress shoes and their adorable little hats.  I bought those hats for a picture almost two years ago.  Luckily they still fit.

My three handsome boys finally meeting Anna and Elsa

A close up of their vests and bow ties

Although Ray didn't attend it with us this time (he took the day off) we did have to make a few pieces for my dad.  My mom whipped up a pair of suspenders and a Mickey Mouse bow tie for him.  We bought his fedora on Amazon which he was surprisingly very excited about.  I know he had a great day with us because he kept trying to get good shots on his phone so he could post pictures to his Facebook page.

Papa and his Dapper Boys

Fun on the carousel. 

The boys were absolutely adorable I got tons of people asking where we bought the vests and bow ties. Everyone was so impressed when I sad my mother and I had made them.  We got so many compliments I was just amazed.  We even had several people want to take pictures with us.  There was one young woman who worked for Joann and wanted to take our pictures since she recognized all the fabrics.  She raved about our outfits and said she had to show all the women she worked with my cute kids.  It was a very fun day and what mama wouldn't swell with pride with these three handsome little guys at her side!

Just so adorable

Riding on the River boat one of Dapper Days suggested activities

Seriously I just had to smile all day long when I looked at these little guys.

 And Now for the girls!

This was truly the fun part.  I love my little boys but I like to play dress ups too and doing it with my daughter is even more fun than I had ever imagined.  So For Lilly and I, I wanted to do Ursula and Ariel.  I don't know why I like the villains so much but I really do.  I told Lilly about it and she said "OK mommy but don't be scary."

When I was planning our dresses I didn't want to make "Ariels dress" and I didn't want to make an Ursula costume.  (When I saw my friend in the morning who was going with us she looked a little relieved to see that I didn't have large tentacles attached to my dress.) I wanted retro style dresses that were inspired by the characters.  

 For Lilly we picked a Simplicity Disney Fairies Pattern.    Although it wasn't in a 50's style like my dress it was a fancy little pattern with pretty trim so we thought it would be just fine.  We made the dress out of Tutti Frutti brand material. She had purple on the top to represent Ariel's shells and a green bottom to represent her fins.  The dress had flowing accents on the shoulders and around the bottom which made it seem a bit sea like to me.  I absolutely loved the way it turned out.  

We made her some accessories as well. I bought a red (like Ariel's hair) sparkly headband at Joann (I love those dollar bin finds!!!).  My mom made a flower out of the same material that the top of her dress was in and I glued it onto the headband along with a little starfish.  We also made a little necklace by threading some red ribbon through a sea shell.  She loved her dress and she showed it off and spun around like such a little lady!

She was a little grumpy because Grandma put her down for a second but it is a good shot of the outfit

With my dress we really lucked out and found a retro pattern from Butterick.  It was a wrap style dress that had one piece that went over the head to form the shirt and underskirt.  Then the back piece wrapped around in front to fill in the rest of the skirt.  It said it was very easy but I think my mom and I were having so late night troubles figuring things out and we made several mistakes trying to put the pattern together.  Now that we have done it once I think it would be a fairly easy dress to make.  I went with Ursula's signature colors of purple and black.  I found this great black material that had a gray swirl pattern.  I thought it gave it a hint of the tentacle feel without having eight giant legs hanging from my waist.

Dapper Day Ariel and Ursula.

My mom and I also tried out making a hat.  This one took us some time to figure out as well.  Neither of us had ever made a hat before and the pattern was a little tricky to read.  I loved how it turned out but I think I need to readjust the clips.  The hat is supposed to be worn slightly to one side and forward on the head but it kept sliding down the side of my head.  I also found the perfect golden shell necklace on etsy to really make the outfit perfect.   Oh yeah and one of the most important things.  I had super comfy sketcher sandals.  If I didn't have those sandals I would totally have worn some sneakers because lets face it... it is still Disneyland and I love my feet too much to wear uncomfortable heels all day.

A quick shot of the hat after we made it.

As if making three vests, three box ties, a little girl's dress and an adult dress wasn't enough my mom made two more dresses.  She started with one for My Aunt.  My Aunt is also a fan of Frozen so she picked to take her inspiration from Elsa.  She used the same pattern we used for my dress.  Since it's a wrap dress she picked two fabrics as well.  She found a great teal color for underneath and a beautiful blue sparkly material that looked very "snow flakey" and perfect for and Elsa dress.  In fact, both my daughter and my niece have asked for similar Elsa dresses from their grandma.

Dapper Day Sisters.

My mom picked one of her favorite Disney characters of all time, Mary Poppins.  I tried to convince her that a blue and yellow stripped dress would be an awesome flounder to our Ariel and Ursula but she wasn't buying it.  She picked an off the shoulder tie dress that she also made out of a Tutti Fruiti fabric from Joanne fabrics.  We were trying to make her dress look like Marry Poppins in her Jolly Holiday dress.  She made a simple red bow out of thick ribbon to accent the white dress she made. She bought a fun red necklace and bracelet to go with the ribbon.  Of course it couldn't be a Jolly Holiday without a beautiful parasol to top off the outfit.

My mom and my aunt both found some cheap (price not quality) hats that they spruced up with some ribbons to match their dresses.

The ladies of Dapper Day.

We all had such a fantastic day I am looking forward to the next Dapper Day.  The kids most likely won't fit in their outfits.  They seriously grow like weeds those little buggers.   Maybe we will make some new dresses or maybe we will wear the ones we already made but I know we will be there in September.

And just because I can't help it.  I have to include my favorite picture of the day.  My parents are just the cutest couple I know and a true inspiration to what a marriage should be like.

Self esteem and motherhood

Recently there was a post on a parenting website that I participate in where someone asked a fairly simple question. How is your self-esteem these days?  My answer to that is not very easy for me to own up to, but I did answer on the board and I have been thinking about it ever since. I hate to acknowledge some of the things I am going to admit to right now because it makes me very vulnerable, but I know there are many parents, especially moms who struggle with the same thing. So here we go…

My self-esteem is pretty bad. I have struggled with my view of myself since I was a teen. I always felt like I wasn’t pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, or talented enough. I just felt like I wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t that I had people around me telling me this. I always felt loved and encouraged throughout my childhood by both family and friends. It was just that I was never good enough for me.

I don’t know if this is something that is hard wired in my brain or if it stems from my struggles with weight, but I often have a battle going on in my head. I hear this negative little voice in the back of my mind. I look in the mirror and don’t like what I see. I try to convince myself that it is silly. I am a loyal and kind person. I am a good friend, a loving wife, a grateful daughter, and a devoted mother. There are so many positive things I can point out that it almost seems silly to say out loud that I have a bad self image. But for every good thing I have, this nagging little “but it could be better” lurks in the back of my mind.

Now I have four little people who look to me for so much. I am responsible for their day to day care and for shaping them into who they will become. That feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and for someone who doesn’t always like the reflection in the mirror, that can be very difficult. About a year ago I decided that I had to turn it around for my kids.  I know some day they will see me for all my faults and maybe laugh with each other about how crazy mom is. I don’t mind that, but I also want them to see me as a strong woman who valued herself and her contributions to this life. I knew I had to change myself in order for them to see me that way, and I have been actively working on it since then.

My biggest struggle is with my body image.  I had a hard time before kids but add countless stretch marks from neck to ankles and horribly stretched out skin and it is even harder to like my appearance.  And I am getting older on top of that.  I can see wrinkles and my skin is freckled more than it used to be.   A hair stylist doing my hair said, “is this your natural hair color? It’s really pretty; it hardly has any grey in it.”  (Hardly any?? There should be none…. cue the sobs.) Oh the list can go on and on, but I decided to stop focusing on that and do something to help myself.

Last year I signed up for my first 5K.  I loved it.  I have since done a 10K and I am planning on going for a half marathon in November.  I know it’s not much, but it has helped my self-image immensely. I proved to myself that I could do it if I put my mind to it, and more importantly I showed my kids what some hard work and dedication can do.

Minutes after running our first 10k

Something happened a few days ago that made me both cringe and laugh at the same time.  My oldest son was in the bathroom with me.  He was facing away from me so I had some privacy, but he turned around as I was zipping my pants. (I’m sure most parents know that there is no privacy in parenthood.)  He fired off several questions all at once, and we had a somewhat embarrassing conversation in a public restroom with everyone else listening.

James: Mommy what are those squiggly lines on your tummy?  Why is it lumpy and wiggly?

Me:  It is just the way my body is now.  It happened when I was pregnant with your brothers and sister.

James:  How?

Me:  When a baby grows in a mommy’s tummy the skin has to stretch. Sometimes it leaves scars like those squiggly lines and sometimes it just leaves lumpy loose skin.

James:  Can I see them? Do you like them? (as he lifted my shirt and traced a particularly large stretch mark up my side.)

Me:  You can see it for a second and well… no I didn’t like them at first. But now I think back to how hard my body worked to grow a baby that I really don’t mind them so much any more.

James:  It is funny looking.

Me:  Yep, kind of.  I think some of them look like lightning bolts.

James:  Oh like Harry Potter…cool! (He has never seen the movie but we are starting to read the first book.) I didn’t grow in your tummy so I didn’t make marks on your tummy?

Me:  That’s right; you didn’t give me any stretch marks.

James:  Haha that’s all my brothers’ fault.  They should go on time out.

I couldn’t help but laugh.  What fun questions to have to answer (in a public restroom) when I wish my body never saw the light of day. I wanted to push his hand away and lower my shirt the few inches he had pulled it up. I wanted to crawl into a hole because my son just asked why I have a flabby tummy with at least 5 other women around. Then I thought some day he might have stretch marks from growth spurts in his teen years and I don’t want him to hide. He might get married and have a wife whose body doesn’t go back to the way it was after having kids and I want him to know that it is beautiful. What message would I send to him if I hid my own scars in shame? So I let him look. I let him press his fingers onto a particularly large stretch mark on my side. When he was done we left the stall and went on with our day. I don’t know if he will remember that day, but I know I will.

In addition to my body image I also struggle with my daily role as a mom. I have four kids and that was my choice. I can’t imagine life any other way. They fill my days with meaning and joy but I also constantly worry if I am doing it right. I often wonder if I do enough, if they watch too much TV, if they are eating healthy enough, or if they are getting enough personal attention from me. I know so many moms who voice this same concern.  AM I DOING A GOOD ENOUGH JOB???  Only recently have I been able to tell myself yes. I don’t think I could have said that when my boys were one or two. At that point I was still struggling to survive and keep us all alive each day. I was also stressed about what a makes you a good or bad mom and I think the definition is different for everyone.

I still don’t have it all figured out.  Sometimes I yell at my kids when they don’t  listen the first 10 times that I asked them to put their shoes because we are already late for school.  Sometimes I let them watch too much TV on days when I am tired or don’t feel good.  Sometimes we eat fast food because I didn’t get the chicken out of the freezer in enough time to have it ready.  Sometimes (OK maybe most of the time) my house is a mess and the laundry is in piles. But even with all those negatives I am trying to remind myself that those things don’t detract from the good things I do with my kids. I always tell them how proud of them I am and how much I love them. I try to break out time for each of them individually so they can enjoy some time with us. I am trying to be an advocate in their education. I try to make sure we just have to have fun together. Those things make me a good mom and I can say that with confidence now.

I need to be a good role model for these little ones!

Now that the boys are in school I get a lot more feedback about their behavior.  I have gotten nothing but rave reviews on my boys.  The office staff at the school tells me they are the most pleasant well-mannered boys they have ever met. Their teachers are sad because we can’t keep them at the school through grade school because they will miss them. It has been a huge boost to my mommy self-esteem. Maybe we are doing something right? It reinforces my belief in myself that I am a good mom. Sometimes it seems like we are living with four little Tasmanian devils running around destroying the house and driving me crazy. But it makes me swell with pride when I hear good things about them.

I would still classify myself as someone with bad self-esteem because I still have that little nagging voice to deal with, but I am becoming more confident as time goes by. I have come a long way since I was a teen or when I first became a mom. I still don’t particularly like looking in mirrors, but I am proud that this body has run a 10K. I am proud of the scars I will undoubtedly carry forever.  Those scars show how amazing my body was. It built two people at the same time and kept them in for 37 weeks. I still worry about my kids and my effect on them. I still worry about who they will become, but I am able to say I am a good mom. I am not perfect but I am good enough. I am good enough for my family, my friends, my husband, my kids and more importantly myself.

Trying to find a good kindergarten in LA

I wrote last time about our school struggles, that ended with all three boys being in preschool together.  It was not our ideal plan (I don’t even want to talk about the finances of tuition for three kids in preschool in Los Angeles…it is ridiculous) but we are making it work and our boys are doing great.  When we got them all settled I took some deep breaths and tried to relax, but I had this looming dark cloud in my mind. At the end of this school year what will we do?

After a few weeks I started looking into all the options in our area and the information is overwhelming. Our district has over 900 schools and 187 public charters.  It used to be so simple -- you either went to your local public school or you paid for private school.  Now in the public school system there are so many options, but none of them are easy to get into because there is a huge demand for the higher performing schools. I have struggled the last few years. I was a product of this school district (and to be honest I think I turned out OK). I was a teacher in this school district. I know there are awesome teachers (some of whom are friends and past colleagues) in all of these schools, but can I risk sending my kids to a school that I don’t feel confident about? It has been torture on my brain and my heart.

So here is some of my research, my thought process and what our current plans are for the coming school year.

P R I V A T E

First we decided that we cannot keep all four kids in private school for the reminder of their education. We simply can’t afford it. We also think that there are enough good teachers and good schools that we can navigate our way through the public school systems. We are looking forward to the day we can stop paying preschool tuition and start saving for their college fund.

H O M E S C H O O L

Second we decided that homeschooling is a possibility, but not one that I think would be the best. I think the twins would be OK homeschooling, but James would have some difficulties.  He gets irritated with me very easily when he gets frustrated. I don’t know if it's because he is with me all the time or what, but he hates taking directions from me in an academic setting.  When I have tried to work with him on writing or reading he just yells at me, but a minute later my mom will walk in and he will ask her to help him write his name.  This used to absolutely drive me nuts! I thought why the heck can’t I teach my son? I am a teacher I should be able to teach anyone. But not my James; he has shown me that on countless occasions.  He will learn so much better from someone other than from me. In the back of my mind there are possibilities if it’s needed.  He can work with my dad or I can pay someone to come and do his homeschooling.  Like I said before, this is a possibility but not top on the list.

P U B L I C

Third we had to start looking into our public school system and finding out what our options are.  This is where it gets very complicated.  There are so many options and opportunities that it is both exciting and overwhelming.  Here are the different options for public schools in our area and how we narrowed it down to what we are aiming for next year.

Neighborhood school:  This is the school that is open to everyone living within a given area.  If you have proof you live in that area (usually with a utility bill in your name) you can go to that school.  In our case this is where we started James last year.  I don’t think the whole school is broken. I think we had a bad experience with a particular teacher, but that doesn't not make it all bad.  Having said that this school is not on the top of my list, but it is a possibility.

Magnets:  Magnet schools are part of a desegregation program created in the 1970’s.  They were made in order to attract students to a school based on a themed curriculum.  Acceptance is based on a complicated points system. Most parents are told to start applying early so that you can build up points to hopefully get your child into a good middle school or high school  We did apply for the one magnet in our area that has a kindergarten program.  The likelihood that they will get in is relatively low.  When they get into 1^st or 2^nd grade the number of magnet programs available will increase, but it may still be several years before we can get into a program.

Open enrollment:  Around April or May schools will announce if they have any open spots in the coming school year.  Families can apply and then there is a lottery for each school.  This could be a possibility for us, but again the chances are very slim that the schools we would want to send them to would have a lot of open enrollment.  Also I am a planner.  It would drive me mad not knowing until mid summer where my kids are going to go the following year.

Schools for Advanced Studies (SAS):  These are small school communities within a normal neighborhood school.  They are specifically designed for children who have tested as gifted and talented and have proven to have above average grades. Well that right there automatically excludes kindergartens.  They have to be tested and prove their proficiency before being allowed to apply for these communities.  I will be looking into these schools in the future but for I don’t know if our kids would qualify. We will have to see how they do in kindergarten first.

Child care permits:  If both parents are working, they can apply for a child care permit if their home school does not offer before or after school care.  I have been told that these permits can be based on where you are working so that your drop offs and pick ups are based on your work address instead of your home address.  I haven’t looked into them much because we don’t qualify since I am not working.

Charter schools:  In my research I found that there are two types of Charters in my area (as if it wasn't tricky already) -- independent and affiliated. Independent Charters are public schools that have been approved by the state of California but don’t necessarily follow the same requirements that other public schools have.  The do have to prove their standards based curriculum and also typically have some sort of theme or innovative teaching techniques that separate them from an ordinary public school.  Each charter has a public lottery and application.  Each school has its own form and its own deadlines. Affiliated charters are a mixture of the district school and a Charter.  They still follow our district curriculum and requirements, but they are free to set their own budgets.  Looking into each school, its curriculum, its application process and its deadlines has been a very daunting task.

O U R  D E C I S I O N

After looking into all of our options we have decided to pursue some of the Charter schools in our area.  The problem is that they are all lottery based.  We have to put our names in and cross our fingers for the best.  Some of the schools offer sibling preference so that the chances of getting all three boys into the same school are higher, but still not guaranteed. I have been filling out and delivering applications for several weeks trying to make sure I apply to as many as possible. The part that drives me crazy is that once the applications are in, I have absolutely no control and I just have to wait several months to find out our status in the lottery.  It could end up being a mad scramble at the end of the summer, or we could get all three boys into one of our top choices and be completely set.

Last year I went into the school year thinking that I had everything set and had no plan B.  It caused me a great deal of stress and heart ache when our plan was not working.  I also had to scramble last minute to figure out what to do. This year I already have my back up in place and have talked to the boys' teachers to see if they agree with my assessment of my children’s needs. During student conferences their teacher told me that James NEEDS the one on one time that many private schools or charters offer.  He has a low frustration point and gives up if he can’t get it perfect.  He often needs someone to sit with him and help him get started on an assignment and boost his confidence.  Nick and Joe LIKE the one on one attention, but will most likely thrive in any academic situations.  They have a drive to learn and please a teacher without reaching that frustration point.   I knew this all along, but it is good to get an outsider's perspective on them as well and helps to cement our plans for next year.

So plan A is that all three boys get into one of the Charters we applied to.  There may be a chance that one or two boys get into a Charter but not the others and we might have some time where they are not in the same schools.  I am not looking forward to that because it will just be a lot of work, but I will do what it takes to give them the best chance at a positive school experience.  So our plan B is if James doesn’t get in, he will continue Kindergarten at our church school where they are all attending preschool.  If either of the twins don’t get in they should be fine at our home school and I will start again next year with applying to magnets and charters until they all get in.  I feel like even though this is a crazy system to navigate that I am trying my hardest to find the best fit for each of my kids and really that is all that I can hope for.

I never dreamed that kindergarten would be as stressful and confusing as it turned out to be.  I wish that our state and district weren’t so broken and I could send them to the school down the street.  I hope that each decision I make on their behalf will prove to be a wise one in the long run.  It is so hard to look at each child and decide what is best for the education when some of it seems like a trial and error process.  Whatever the next year brings us I am ready to face it head on and make the tough choices that need to be made.

What are your education plans for your kids? Have you ever had to divert from your original plan if it didn’t seem to be working out?

Stressing about school and making hard decisions

We had a bumpy start to our school year in August. I never shared it here because I just couldn’t find the right words to express my concerns. I wasn't sure how to handle some of the struggles we have had with our oldest son and school. I was so nervous about the decisions we were making that I just couldn't openly talk about it. I was so stressed this one day when I was meeting a group of friends, one of them asked how I was and I broke into a huge ugly cry about the whole thing. We had a good laugh later about how such a simple question could unleash all those emotions, but clearly I was struggling with it. Once I got our situation under control I just didn’t want to think about it. I felt like I could finally relax and put it all behind me. Now several months later, all those worries are coming back because I am forced to look forward to the upcoming school year.

At this time last year I thought I had this all figured out. The Los Angeles School District just recently changed its birthday deadline for enrollment from December to September. Our oldest son James was born in November, so he would not meet the deadline for traditional Kindergarten. Our twins were born the following July so with the new regulations, they would all be in the same year. However California schools started a program called Transitional Kindergarten (TK). In theory it was a supposed to be like a public pre-K for all the kids who have birthdays in those later months of the year. They would enroll in TK and turn five that fall, then the following year when they would be turning 6, they would be enrolled in traditional Kindergarten.

Knowing this we started James in preschool the year before and were planning on sending him to our public school down the street for TK. While he was in TK, we would enroll the twins in preschool. Then they would all enter Kindergarten together. (Look out schools... here comes the Turner family trio!) We were very comfortable with our plan and it also helped us from having three preschool enrollments to afford.  Well…you know what they say about the best laid plans right?  We were in for a wild couple weeks that completely changed everything.

We attended the orientation for the James’ new school in August the day before his classes started. I was a little worried about the curriculum (I hate saying this, but I was also worried about the teacher). She said in her introduction that TK is just like Kinder; they learn and do all the same things and then those students who need the second year will enroll in Kinder the following year. Whatever they missed or fell behind on they could pick up the second year. The office staff promised that they had a curriculum planned for all levels from never holding a pencil before to already reading and writing, but the teacher had a different plan. They were to start reading and writing sentences and James still struggled with basic letters.

I have always had concerns about James’ education.  He hits all of his milestones on time but at the very last minute, and usually in big leaps forward instead of a showing a gradual progression.  He has been this way since birth. He is a hard working little guy, but things just don't come that easy to him. I knew this class had the potential to be really hard for him and indeed it was. The next two weeks were a nightmare. He came home in tears every day. He had gigantic tantrums (like the crazy scary kind where you think you are in the middle of a demon possession movie) from the time he got home until we had to put him to bed. Each time we tried to attempt doing his homework with him, it just made it worse. I truly felt helpless. I was a teacher and I couldn't teach my son. I couldn't help him get past his frustrations. I cried every night thinking about how I could help him get over this transition period and start adjusting to the new school, but everything I tried just wasn't working.

One day when I went to pick him up and I had a very unsettling interaction with the teacher where she was very condescending to both James and me.  That day I was in tears for most of the afternoon. This just wasn't working and I truly didn't know what to do. We again tried to attempt homework and James told Ray that he wasn’t smart and he couldn’t do the work. My heart shattered and I knew things had to change. No child should be made to feel this way at any point, but especially not in kindergarten. It is the building block for his relationship with education. I didn't want him to hate school and feel bad about himself. It was the last straw and I knew I would not send him back. He is a sensitive child and he just needed a little more attention and care to get him to shine, and he was not going to get it there.

Luckily the twins' preschool allowed us to enroll James as well. I nervously took all three boys the next day to preschool where all three would be in the one pre-k class. The teacher assured me they would be fine and Nick and Joe took James all around the room so he could meet their friends and see all the toys in the room. I sighed a breath of relief. Maybe this was going to be OK. Maybe James would be OK and get some of his confidence back.

First day with all three at preschool.

Over the last few months James has made huge improvements.  I now can say easily that we made the right choice for him.  He just wasn’t ready for kindergarten yet and the Transitional Kindergarten program wasn’t what we thought it would be. He is thriving in this new environment and the twins are as well. I can tell you that the only thing cuter than having a child perform in a preschool holiday show is having three little guys singing their hearts out on stage.

They never stand still so all I ever get are these blurry iphone pictures, but I will cherish them.

I let myself get comfortable and tried not to worry instantly about the coming year. I just wanted a few months of peace, but it didn't last long. This preschool is all well and good, but we simply can’t do private school forever. That ship sailed when we discovered two little buns in the oven five years ago. So now my stress and worry is back up to a high level as we start making our plans for the upcoming school year. I am trying to figure out what will be best for each boy and find a school that I know they could all thrive at. It seems like these are such big decisions now because it sets them up for the rest of their education, and it is truly weighing on my heart. I, like most moms, want what is best for our kids and our family.  Now I am back at the point where I just don't know what the right choice will be.

Next time I will write about our possible plans for kindergarten and how we are figuring out what is best for our little men.

Have you had tough choices with regards to daycare or school for your kids?  How did you know you were making the right choice?

Not all transitions are Traumatic.

When Lilly turned one (yes over a year ago), I started having this panicky feeling in the back of my mind. At one my twins learned how to climb out of their cribs and into each other’s crib. I blogged about it on hellobee a while back. From there is was just a nightmare of toddler beds and horrendous bedtimes and non existent nap times. I feared going through this again more than anything.  Luckily she held off for a bit. I could see her little mind working on how to get out of her baby prison, but she didn’t even try to get her legs over the side.

At a year and a half I came in to get her after nap time and she had one leg over the side and was laying on the edge of her crib.  I told her that was a no no and she needed to stay in her crib and wait for mommy or she would fall. She immediately plopped back into her crib jumping and smiling saying, “no fall mommy, I wait.” I was shocked.  When I told my boys no and stay in bed, they laughed and jumped out. I tell you one girl is way different than three boys, thank goodness!
A few months passed and she didn’t attempt to get out
again. I can’t tell you how relieved I was. Then one day, a month before she turned two, there was no stopping the inevitable.  She wanted to get out and she wanted to do it herself. Three times in a row she was attempting to climb out and got her leg stuck in the slats when she fell down.  We tried telling her no, but clearly it wasn’t’ going to work this time. It was a Sunday afternoon and I just told Mr. Train that we had to bring the toddler bed.

I sat on the couch and cried. Of course Mr. Train thought it was because my baby girl was meeting one more milestone, marking the inevitable passing of time. (Ok so that may have caused some of the tears… my last baby is not a baby anymore.) But when he asked what was wrong, I simply sobbed, “Do you remember how hard this was?  Do you remember how miserable bed time was? Do you remember how they built slides out of their mattresses and bounced off the furniture like monkeys?”
He just laughed and went about dismantling her crib.  I was terrified.  I was so convinced that it would be a nightmare to get her used to the big girl bed because the boys were so much trouble.

We tried to make it special for her, even though it was a bit spur of the moment.  For the boys we took a day to make their new beds and buy them a new blanket and toy.  Then we surprised them with their new room.  Since Lilly was watching us take down her crib during what should have been her nap time, there really was no surprise.  Instead, we took out a blanket my sister had given us that she had never seen (that counts a new right?). It was a bright pink silky princess blanket so she was super excited. As soon as we put the blanket on the bed, she jumped in bed with her pretend phone and called Grandma to tell her she had a new bed. We also took her to Target to pick out a new dolly to take to bed with her that night in her new big girl bed. She seemed very excited and I tried to keep a positive attitude.

2 going on 13…. it’s a little scary.

That night we changed our routine a bit.  Instead of reading a story on the couch, we took her into her bedroom to read so she could have some time in her room with us.  After stories and a lullaby, we told her to put her head down and stay in bed.  She got up a few times and laughed as she ran back into her room.  Mr. Train said he would put up a baby gate if she came out again.  She did and up the gate went.  She of course threw a gigantic fit about the gate blocking her doorway. Mr. Train explained if she  got in bed and stayed in bed, he would take it down. He stated it so simply as if he were talking to a rational adult instead of a tantrum throwing toddler.  To our surprise she turned the fit off said, “OK daddy” and went back to bed.
That was the end of it.  She sat in bed looking at a book for about 10 minutes, then covered herself up and fell asleep.

Picking out her special new doll for bedtime.

I was dumbfounded to say the least.  I knew this was just a lucky first night and at some point she would make me miserable for months of bed times. That night never came.  She has been a great little girl and taken to her big girl bed quite easily.  There are some nights when she throws a bit of a fit (usually when she is overtired), but then when she calms down she reads to herself for a bit and lays down.  She does like to take every blanket, pillow, doll and stuffed animal that she owns to bed.  If we disturb her little nest, she gets very agitated.  So we wait for her to fall asleep and then uncover her from her mounds of toys so she actually has room on her bed to move a bit.  We came in one night and she was literally covered from neck to feet in stuffed animals and six different blankets.  We could barely see her little face peeking out from under all her friends.

My little sweetheart sleeping soundly.

I am just shocked that this transition was not the traumatizing mess that it was with the boys.  All that worry and stress was for nothing and I admit I feel a little foolish.  She really pleasantly surprised me.  Next event to tackle is potty training (which was also a bit daunting with the three boys). Wish me luck!

How did you transition your little one to a bed?  How did It go?

Olympic activities for the kids

I am so excited for the Olympics to start.  I don’t know what it is, but I have always loved the Olympics since I was a little girl.  I love the sports and all the back stories on the athletes.  I love cheering for our country and hoping that they place.  I just all around love it. During the 2012 Olyimpcs we were traveling and at 2 years old my kids, weren’t all that interested.  This year they have more of an understanding of sports and athletes and I am hoping to share some of my excitement with them.

We just got back from Park City and now I regret not showing them around the Olympic Park there. We have been watching some clips of the various events on the official Olympics website and on Youtube. Apparently my description of the luge and curling was not descriptive enough and they needed to see it in action.  It has helped to raise their awareness and enthusiasm for this world event.

For the opening ceremony and throughout the games, I like to explore the cuisine of the country that is hosting the games. In this case the games are being held in Sochi, Russia. I have to admit I know very little about traditional Russian cuisine.  We are also going to be traveling down to San Diego the day of the opening ceremonies, and I am not sure if I will have full control over our dinner. So for now I am planning on trying to find a fun bread or desert to bring with us, and then make some other dishes throughout the two weeks. I found this website called Ruscuisine which I have been looking through and trying to figure out what I could make. I also looked up recipes on All Recipes and was thinking about trying Beef Stroganoff, Pierogi, sweet cabbage or Chicken kiev

In addition to trying new foods, I want to do some activities that will engage the kids and get them excited.  Also it's a bonus if I can get them to write and practice their letters which we are struggling with a bit at our house.


Arts & Crafts
1. Making an Olympic Torch: This seems like a very easy project and one that can be used for pretend play afterwards. I know my kids will enjoy making them and doing some relays with them in the front yard.

2. Olympic ring toilet paper roll stamps: This is an easy project to set up and I already have everything I need. I know the kids will end up stamping circles all over the paper and not make a perfect Olympic ring picture, but I thought it would be a good activity anyways.  We can discuss the rings and how they came to be the symbol that is used today.

 

3.  Coloring in the flags of some of the participating nations. I simply dd a search for printable flags and found a lot of different sites that have free coloring sheets. I am going to string up the flags we color and make a banner in our living room so we can talk about the different countries represented in the events we might watch on TV.

4. Coloring sheets for winter sports. I don’t know if you can tel,l but my kids love to color. I am probably going to use watercolors for these so that we vary our projects a bit. I am also hoping to help them work on their letters by having them write the names of the different events while we color them in. If I sit down and tell them we are going to work on writing they refuse; if I tell them we are going to learn about skiing and how to spell it, they might pay a little more attention.

Games and activities

1. Toy event competitions. I have seen many websites depicting Olympic sports with various toys. I saw some bobsleds with stuffed animals and little people skiers, but I think my favorite was this Thomas ski jump. I have to admit it might be because the kids love the ski jump so much, or because I am fascinated by the challenge of making this track. Joe has informed me that he is going to be a ski jumper when he grows up. I think that kid has a need for speed.

2. Mini Ice Hockey: I found this activity that is set up for a preschool setting, so I think I need to down scale the size a little bit. I think I am going to freeze a cookie tray for our ice hockey set up and then let the kids play together.

3. Indoor ice skating: This one used wax paper and tape to wrap up the kids feet and let them “skate” around the living room. We have carpet in our living room but I think we could have some fun when we go down to visit with my in laws. I also thought we could put some tissue boxes on their feet and let them slide on the carpet. I am not sure exactly how I am going to execute this one yet, but I know they will have a great time sliding around.

I hope to come up with some more ideas to keep my kids active and involved with the Olympics for the week before and the two weeks they are going on. Now that the boys are in preschool, I find that sometimes I get in a rut of the everyday grind and I think these fun activities are just what we need to liven things up a bit.

Do you do anything special in your house when the Olympics are on?