We had a bumpy start to our school year in August. I never shared it here because I just couldn’t find the right words to express my concerns. I wasn't sure how to handle some of the struggles we have had with our oldest son and school. I was so nervous about the decisions we were making that I just couldn't openly talk about it. I was so stressed this one day when I was meeting a group of friends, one of them asked how I was and I broke into a huge ugly cry about the whole thing. We had a good laugh later about how such a simple question could unleash all those emotions, but clearly I was struggling with it. Once I got our situation under control I just didn’t want to think about it. I felt like I could finally relax and put it all behind me. Now several months later, all those worries are coming back because I am forced to look forward to the upcoming school year.
At this time last year I thought I had this all figured out. The Los Angeles School District just recently changed its birthday deadline for enrollment from December to September. Our oldest son James was born in November, so he would not meet the deadline for traditional Kindergarten. Our twins were born the following July so with the new regulations, they would all be in the same year. However California schools started a program called Transitional Kindergarten (TK). In theory it was a supposed to be like a public pre-K for all the kids who have birthdays in those later months of the year. They would enroll in TK and turn five that fall, then the following year when they would be turning 6, they would be enrolled in traditional Kindergarten.
Knowing this we started James in preschool the year before and were planning on sending him to our public school down the street for TK. While he was in TK, we would enroll the twins in preschool. Then they would all enter Kindergarten together. (Look out schools... here comes the Turner family trio!) We were very comfortable with our plan and it also helped us from having three preschool enrollments to afford. Well…you know what they say about the best laid plans right? We were in for a wild couple weeks that completely changed everything.
We attended the orientation for the James’ new school in August the day before his classes started. I was a little worried about the curriculum (I hate saying this, but I was also worried about the teacher). She said in her introduction that TK is just like Kinder; they learn and do all the same things and then those students who need the second year will enroll in Kinder the following year. Whatever they missed or fell behind on they could pick up the second year. The office staff promised that they had a curriculum planned for all levels from never holding a pencil before to already reading and writing, but the teacher had a different plan. They were to start reading and writing sentences and James still struggled with basic letters.
I have always had concerns about James’ education. He hits all of his milestones on time but at the very last minute, and usually in big leaps forward instead of a showing a gradual progression. He has been this way since birth. He is a hard working little guy, but things just don't come that easy to him. I knew this class had the potential to be really hard for him and indeed it was. The next two weeks were a nightmare. He came home in tears every day. He had gigantic tantrums (like the crazy scary kind where you think you are in the middle of a demon possession movie) from the time he got home until we had to put him to bed. Each time we tried to attempt doing his homework with him, it just made it worse. I truly felt helpless. I was a teacher and I couldn't teach my son. I couldn't help him get past his frustrations. I cried every night thinking about how I could help him get over this transition period and start adjusting to the new school, but everything I tried just wasn't working.
One day when I went to pick him up and I had a very unsettling interaction with the teacher where she was very condescending to both James and me. That day I was in tears for most of the afternoon. This just wasn't working and I truly didn't know what to do. We again tried to attempt homework and James told Ray that he wasn’t smart and he couldn’t do the work. My heart shattered and I knew things had to change. No child should be made to feel this way at any point, but especially not in kindergarten. It is the building block for his relationship with education. I didn't want him to hate school and feel bad about himself. It was the last straw and I knew I would not send him back. He is a sensitive child and he just needed a little more attention and care to get him to shine, and he was not going to get it there.
Luckily the twins' preschool allowed us to enroll James as well. I nervously took all three boys the next day to preschool where all three would be in the one pre-k class. The teacher assured me they would be fine and Nick and Joe took James all around the room so he could meet their friends and see all the toys in the room. I sighed a breath of relief. Maybe this was going to be OK. Maybe James would be OK and get some of his confidence back.
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| First day with all three at preschool. |
Over the last few months James has made huge improvements. I now can say easily that we made the right choice for him. He just wasn’t ready for kindergarten yet and the Transitional Kindergarten program wasn’t what we thought it would be. He is thriving in this new environment and the twins are as well. I can tell you that the only thing cuter than having a child perform in a preschool holiday show is having three little guys singing their hearts out on stage.
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| They never stand still so all I ever get are these blurry iphone pictures, but I will cherish them. |
I let myself get comfortable and tried not to worry instantly about the coming year. I just wanted a few months of peace, but it didn't last long. This preschool is all well and good, but we simply can’t do private school forever. That ship sailed when we discovered two little buns in the oven five years ago. So now my stress and worry is back up to a high level as we start making our plans for the upcoming school year. I am trying to figure out what will be best for each boy and find a school that I know they could all thrive at. It seems like these are such big decisions now because it sets them up for the rest of their education, and it is truly weighing on my heart. I, like most moms, want what is best for our kids and our family. Now I am back at the point where I just don't know what the right choice will be.
Next time I will write about our possible plans for kindergarten and how we are figuring out what is best for our little men.
Have you had tough choices with regards to daycare or school for your kids? How did you know you were making the right choice?
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