I recently read the book Bread and Wine by Shauna Niequist with my moms' group. One chapter that particularly resonated with me was called "Present not Perfect." In it the author talked about how sometimes in the holiday season we tend to overdo it. We overspend, overindulge, and overcommit ourselves. We often forget what is really important about the season while we are busy putting together the perfect holiday. We have to buy the perfect gifts, bring the best homemade dishes to parties, and show off our perfectly decorated and cleaned homes. As I read this chapter I found myself laughing and nodding at so many things that I related too. I can’t even begin to explain how frazzled I can get during the holiday season. The thing that struck me the most was when she wrote about being present with a whole and healthy heart and mind. Instead of showing up to an event frazzled and stressed, all while yelling at our kids to hurry up and not get messy, we should say no to a few things and be truly present in the moment for the things we do agree to take on.
This year I have decided to do just that. I am not going to get frazzled or stressed. I am not going to let myself get worked up about being perfect or having the perfect holiday season for my kids. I have been able to see that no matter what we do my, kids will be happy and we will be making great memories together. This weekend I actually had the chance to put this into action, and I have to say I surprised myself with how calm I remained and how much more I enjoyed myself.
Each year my family puts on a Christmas party for our close friends and family. All of the kids make graham cracker houses and then we have a special visitor from Santa, followed by a meal together. This is usually a major source of stress for me. I love doing it, but I panic about the state of my house, which always looks like it has been hit by a hurricane (four little hurricanes to be precise). I panic about having a great spread of food for everyone. I panic about people RSVPing and having enough supplies or presents from Santa to pass out. Although I have a great time during our party, I am always running around making sure everything is going well, and it is just plain exhausting.
This year I promised myself not to panic. I decided to let go a little. I was going to concentrate on being present in the moment instead of striving for perfection. I realized that my house is a cluttered mess and that is just the way it will be. I did clean before everyone came over, because let’s face it -- houses do in fact have to get cleaned. But instead of staying up until all hours of the night scrubbing the house from top to bottom before allowing a single soul to step through the house, I just did some quick cleaning and picking up and let it be at that. I bought almost all of our food -- some sandwich platters, fruit and veggie platters, chips and salsa -- pre-made straight from the grocery store. The only thing I made from scratch was two soups (potato and butternut squash), which were requested by my family. It was as simple as throwing things on the table when it came time to eat. I bought supplies for houses even for those people who never RSVP'd, instead of worrying about who was coming and who wasn’t. I figured if people showed up they would be welcomed with open arms, candy for houses and a small gift from Santa.
It's about getting messy and having fun -- my Joe with his mouth full of candy and a hand covered in frosting building his house with his Aunt.
It was hard for me to let go of some of the things I usually obsess over. I even tried to sit down and eat dinner with some of our friends. I of course had to get up about ten times (not because I was the hostess, but because I am a mother of four and getting up ten times during a meal is pretty normal for me). When I took the time to let go and relax, I was able to be present completely. I joked and laughed with our friends. I marveled at the joy in our children’s eyes as Santa came in the front door. We have been doing this party with this group of friends for years. We smiled as we watched a little one run up to Santa to be the first one on his lap. Her mom was shocked since last year she wanted nothing to do with him. We gathered around and talked about how our kids have grown and changed from year to year. In past years I may have missed these little moments while my brain was striving for perfection instead of just being present in the moment.
Our friends and family look forward to their yearly picture with Mr. and Mrs. Claus. Lilly is still a little unsure but the boys get so excited.
I was still exhausted because let’s face it -- a big party is still a lot of work, but I was not stressed. My new mantra had worked for our big Christmas party. I have several more hurdles to overcome this holiday season that would usually trip my mommy panic triggers. We have a weekend trip to San Diego and my moms' group Christmas party, but the biggest thing is that the Train family will be on a road trip for Christmas. We leave in about a week and a half and I would normally be freaking out by now. Not only because I have to pack for six people for possibly two weeks (oh yeah… did I mention I am not sure exactly how long our trip will be or when we will be coming back?), but it is also over Christmas. I am truly excited for this trip, but it's a lot of to take this whole crazy show on the road.
I am going to keep telling myself “be present not perfect” over and over again. I will make plans and pack for our trip, but I am not going to get overly worried about how our holiday will look while we are away from home. Whatever we do, it will be fantastic. My little southern California babies are looking forward to seeing and playing in snow. They will not remember if I spent hours trying to make it the perfect holiday. They will just remember the time we spend together as a family, and that is what truly matters for me this holiday season. I will give my family the gift of a less stressed out mom. I will be present in the moment and enjoy our holiday without worrying about making it perfect.
