Getting glasses

When my oldest son James started school this year and we really had to start pushing him to write more, we noticed a few things that lead us to our first optometrist visit. First, he was slightly behind where he should be for letter recognition and writing. Second he put his face very close to his papers when he was writing, coloring or reading books. The final push was that he started complaining of headaches. At first we weren’t sure if he was really having headaches or just saying he was because Ray gets migraines from time to time and he was going through a particularly nasty spell at the time as well.  But in the end we gave him the benefit of the doubt and took him in to see my optometrist.

Ray took him to his first appointment. He said James did really well except the pictures they used were so old (biggest problem was a rotary phone), James couldn’t recognize them and didn’t know how to answer some of the questions. His diagnosis was that he did in fact have an astigmatism. The optometrist said he doesn’t usually recommend glasses for kids under first grade unless it’s a big problem, but if it seemed to get worse or he got headaches, we should come back and get him a pair. He also said that since I hadn’t gotten glasses until I was a bit older, we probably had time before it became necessary.

When Ray came home and told me about the appointment, I reminded him that James had been getting headaches which he completely forgot to tell the optometrist. When asked about James’ mother’s eye history, he responded that I got glasses when I was in middle school. I am pretty sure I made a silly face at him because he said, “What? Wasn’t it in middle school?” I simply replied yes I got glasses in middle school, but that’s not going to matter when we are talking about James’ genetic predisposition to needing glasses at an early age. I know Ray felt so silly. It is easy to forget that when you are giving medical histories for an adopted child that our own history is not what is needed. Because of some of the misinformation that was given to the optometrist, his recommendation didn’t sit that well with me.  With James starting school and having such a hard time keeping up, I was worried that his eyes would get worse and that we weren’t being very proactive about helping him. I kept a close eye on him for a few weeks to see how he was doing when we were working or coloring together, and took note if he said he had any headaches.

I had his 5 year old physical with our normal pediatrician about a month later and I talked to him about the optometrist’s recommendations and where James was at with his letter recognition and writing. His doctor said that it was silly to wait. If he was having trouble seeing, he saw no reason to wait except that preschoolers don’t have a lot of responsibility when it comes to glasses or other expensive items. They don’t understand the value of money yet and they can be very hard on glasses. I was very happy he said that because it was how I was feeling for several weeks, but I didn’t know if I was just being an overprotective worrying mom (which I have a tendency to be sometimes).

I went home and we set up an appointment to have James fitted for frames. Ray and I started thinking about how many pairs of glasses we were going to have to buy in the next few months while he wrestled around and forgot about them. Let’s just say James is a very active little guy and not always that attentive to his surroundings. I just knew he was going to lose, break, or scratch them the very first day. But I still felt strongly that it needed to be done and it was the best choice.

Ray and I both took him back to the optometrist to pick out a pair of glasses. He was a little shy at first and didn’t want to talk to the office staff, but we tried on a few pair. I couldn’t help but smile a little; he just looked so darn cute. We were mostly looking at light weight metal frames with plastic lenses.  The frames for kids also have flexible springs at the hinges to prevent breaking or bending. I finally saw a little gleam in his eyes as he picked up a red pair of Converse frames. I asked him what he thought and he excitedly said, “Yes, they are Captain America glasses. These are good.”  I hadn’t even thought about the fact that Converse had a star in a circle as their emblem, and there it was right on the side of the glasses just like the star on Captain America’s shield and shirt.  He was hooked!

One pair of red Converse “Captain America” glasses and we have one happy boy.

His glasses needed to be made so we would have to return in a week to pick them up.  During that week we really tried to talk up his glasses and how fun it would be. We told him he could be just like mommy and we would both have glasses. He wanted to know why I didn’t pick super hero glasses and I said I guess I wasn’t lucky like him. I just had plain old black glasses. We talked to him a bit about wearing them to school and being careful with them. By the time we went to pick them up he was pretty excited about getting his new glasses, but I was still nervous about how many pairs my crazy little guy would go through. When we picked up his glasses we also picked up his prescription so that we could find cheap replacements if we needed them. 

That night he said “Mommy lets take a picture since I am just like you!” How could I resist? So here is our blurry grainy iPhone picture that I will treasure forever.

For the first few days we didn’t force him to wear them all the time.  I didn’t want to make him feel like it was a punishment or something that he didn’t like.  We would give him his glasses in the morning and when he wanted to take them off, we would let him for about 10-20 minutes then ask if he wanted them back.  He usually took them and put them back on with no problem.  At school the first few weeks the teachers let him put them in his cubby when he didn’t want them and I usually found them in there when I came to pick him up.  After a few weeks I think he really adjusted to having them on.  He will even remind me in the morning and tells me he sees better when he wears them. It was a surprising easy transition for him. 

My handsome guy showing off his new glasses

We did have to come up with a few rules for him to follow.  We try to keep it simple so he can stick to them. 

1. Do not wrestle while wearing your glasses!  I think this is one of the most important ones for my little guy and the hardest for him to follow.  He just forgets and he and his brothers will get into a wrestling match.  It’s usually when they get knocked off his face that he remembers and calls out, “Wait I have my glasses on!”

2. Do not put them on the floor.  I would think this is pretty obvious but to a 5 year old who likes to put everything on the floor it was not.  We had to specifically tell him not to. We have a few designated areas that he knows he can put them where they will be safe.

3. Do not let other people wear your glasses.  In his life so far the only type of glasses he has had have been cheap sunglasses and it didn’t matter who put them on. We had to explain to him that his glasses are special for his eyes and no one else has the same eyes. I used my glasses to show him the difference.  I let him look through mine and then his to see the difference and tried to tell him that his glasses could make other people’s vision blurry just like mine made his look funny. He seemed to understand and was not a fan of looking through my lenses. He laughed and said my glasses make things wibbly wobbly.

4. Do not bend or twist the frames.  Sometimes he takes them off and (for lack of a better term) futzes with them. He will bend them out and bend the springs or twirl them around by one ear piece. We had to be clear that doing that could break them and the next time we might not be able to find super cool Captain America frames.

He hardly even notices them anymore; they are just a natural part of his day.

It has been a few months and he has done great.  I thought this could be a very expensive endeavor with us replacing frames every few weeks but he has really surprised me.  He likes his glasses and wears them all day now with no trouble.  In fact another little boy in his glass recently got glasses and he was so excited to be able to tell his friend all about getting glasses and how fun it is.  He has also shown a great improvement in his letter and writing.  I don’t know if that is partly because of the glasses, his age, or more practice but we have seen improvements so I have no regrets about going forward with the glasses.

I can't protect them from everything

When our first child comes into this world and we hold their tiny little bodies close to ours, we snuggle and our heart becomes full.  We hope and pray for their futures.  We wonder about who they will become. We memorize each tiny minute detail of their face. And then of course we vow to always be there.  To love them, raise them to the best of our abilities, and to always protect them. We are parents and it is our life long commitment to our children. I have made this promise four times and each one seems like just yesterday. Each time I looked into the beautiful innocent eyes of my children and I promised to always protect them. I know now that it was a promise I could not keep. Of course I love them and I will raise them the best I can, but I cannot protect them from everything.

It started with their first cold or illness. The long nights, runny noses and tears… so many tears (maybe not just the kids) it’s enough to make a mommy go crazy.  The helpless feeling while rocking a sick child in the middle of the night can be so debilitating.  I know I have said more than once, “Mommy would make it better if I could; you will feel better soon.”  We can’t avoid the pain of teething.  Sure there are things to negate some of the pain, but growing teeth is a long process and it usually disrupts life for a bit.  My children get sick or hurt and I can’t always protect them from it.

Then they start crawling and take their first steps.  Oh what a joyous occasion… until they knock into the corner of the coffee table and get their first fat lip or black eye (yes my sons have had their fair share of black eyes).  I don’t know whether it is because I have three boys, but it seems like our house is the land of skinned knees and scratched up faces. I can’t tell you how many magic kisses and band aids have been doled out over the last five years in my house. At first I felt like I wasn’t watching close enough, but as it happened more often and with each consecutive child I realized I just can’t catch them every time. I can help pick them up (and teach them some basic first aid), but I can’t prevent every accident.

Then it was off to preschool.  My sweet children went off to play and learn under someone else’s care.   And then it happened.  Something I hadn’t prepared them for.  Something I hadn’t prepared myself for.  It wasn’t a physical hurt that I had failed to protect them from. It was an emotional one. I came to the class to pick the boys up and one of their teachers pulled me aside. She said there had been an incident with one of my boys. I was nervous. I couldn’t help but think “oh god what have they done?”  (trust me — with three boys all in the same preschool class, I just figured it was inevitable that they will cause a fuss sometimes). But then she went on to tell me about the incident.

One of my boys was taunted by several other boys in the class.  They stood around him and told him to say a word he had never heard before.  When I asked him later he  told me he didn’t know the word, but he knew it was bad because his friends told him it was.  They goaded and  teased him until he said the F word.  (When his teacher told me I know my mouth dropped open a little, what preschoolers even know that word? I know it was a naive thought to have, but I just thought  a child’s innocence should last a little longer). As soon as he said it they ran to the teacher and told on him. When he was questioned by the teacher about his actions, he broke down and cried inconsolably for almost 20 minutes. It was almost to the point where they were going to call me to come calm him down. Eventually the boys who had done the teasing told the teachers what they had done so they were pretty sure about how it happened, and she apologized for my son being so upset.

It may not seem like such a big deal, but I made a promise to protect my kids and I brought one son home from school who was devastated. I had become accustomed to fixing booboos and taking care of bumps and scrapes, but this was different. My son’s heart was hurting because his friends had done this to him.  All in one day he was faced with teasing, adult language, and peer pressure. In my heart I wasn’t ready to face these things yet, to tell my kids about the pain that other people in this world can cause.  I had to sit down and have a discussion with him about adult language.  I had to tell him that sometimes kids act mean and some can hurt your feelings.  I had to talk to him about peer pressure and not doing things you know are wrong even if your friends are telling you to. It was a difficult day for us and I hadn’t expected it in preschool.

Like with all their booboos and illnesses I felt that twang of guilt.  It is the small pain in my heart when I know I can’t keep my child safe from everything.  As soon as I feel it I think of one of my favorite Disney Quotes from Finding Nemo and I can’t help but smile.

Marlin (Nemo’s Dad):  I promised I’d never let anything happen to him.

Dory: Hmm. That’s a funny thing to promise.

Marlin: What?

Dory: Well, you can’t never let anything happen to him. Then nothing would ever happen to him. Not much fun for little Harpo.

Oh Dory, such a smart and insightful little fish.  I know that five years ago I promised my oldest son that I would protect him. I remade my promise three more times in the next three years. But it was never really a promise I could fulfill, nor would I really want to.  My heart aches when my children are in pain. I feel sick to my stomach at the thought of someone teasing my kids. But it may help teach them to not do it to others. I know I can’t protect them for forever and this is just the one of many situations to come.

With four kids I am sure we will have our fair share of ER trips for broken bones or stitches. I know that they will face sadness in their lives and I can’t stop it.  The tumultuous teenage years are just going to tear at my heart.  I know I can’t always protect them, but I can be there to guide them. I can be there to help with pain and take them to the doctor when they need it.  I will be there to teach them empathy and compassion. I will give out hugs and kisses to show my love and support.  I will listen when they need to talk.  I will always be  there even when I can’t protect them.

Dapper Day at Disneyland

On February 23 it was Dapper Day at Disneyland.  This was a new event for us this year that we found out about last September.  We happened to be at Disneyland celebrating my niece's birthday and we saw tons of people dressed to the nines, many were in vintage styles.  I couldn't believe it.  Usually Disneyland is a place of shorts and T-shirts but on that day there were so many woman in beautiful dresses and the men were in suits.   We had no idea what was going on so we stopped someone to ask and we were told it was Dapper Day.  Me mom and I absolutely loved our day at Disneyland.  We sat there at lunch people watching as all the beautifully dressed people passed us by and we knew we wanted to attend the next event.

So here is the low down on Dapper Day.  It is not actually put on by Disney.  It is a normal park day and everyone is responsible for getting their own ticket.  It happens twice a  year, once in the spring and once in fall.  The day is not really a costume day.  It really is about looking your best while going out.  I love walking down Main street and seeing all the dresses and suits.  It is like taking a step back into the past when people did dress their best when attending Disneyland.

We were so excited about the next Dapper day we started thinking up ideas right away.  However my mom and I had some other projects to work on like Halloween costumes and homemade bags for Christmas gifts.  But In January we went into full swing for Dapper Day.  Here are the outfits we made and the day we had at Disneyland.

First up the boys.

I knew I wanted to make vest and bow ties for my boys.  They like dressing up and I knew I could get them to wear a vest with a fairly simple outfit.  The key with these little guys is comfort.  I knew we couldn't do anything super fancy or hot otherwise they would not keep them on throughout the day.  We picked out a pattern from McCall's for both the vest and bow tie, however my mom ended up putting Velcro in the back of the bow tie instead of an elastic band.

Before we made the vests I told them about the different fabrics we could choose from and I let them each pick what Disney characters they wanted. The twins both picked out a Frozen Fabric.  They were both so excited to be able to have something to wear that had Anna and Elsa on it.  Frozen is one of their favorite movies and they absolutely love Elsa the snow queen.  Unfortunately for them, there are no boys Anna and Elsa shirts.  At the Disney store they are all in the girls section and a bit frilly.  James originally wanted batman but when I told him batman wasn't from Disney so he settled for his second favorite Lightening McQueen and Matter.

I went with a simple polo shirt (I had a ton from when James started TK at a school that required uniforms) and khakis.  I thought they might fight me on the pants because usually they like to wear elastic waist sports pants but since they knew it was Dapper Day they were excited to look their best.  They even put on their fancy dress shoes and their adorable little hats.  I bought those hats for a picture almost two years ago.  Luckily they still fit.

My three handsome boys finally meeting Anna and Elsa

A close up of their vests and bow ties

Although Ray didn't attend it with us this time (he took the day off) we did have to make a few pieces for my dad.  My mom whipped up a pair of suspenders and a Mickey Mouse bow tie for him.  We bought his fedora on Amazon which he was surprisingly very excited about.  I know he had a great day with us because he kept trying to get good shots on his phone so he could post pictures to his Facebook page.

Papa and his Dapper Boys

Fun on the carousel. 

The boys were absolutely adorable I got tons of people asking where we bought the vests and bow ties. Everyone was so impressed when I sad my mother and I had made them.  We got so many compliments I was just amazed.  We even had several people want to take pictures with us.  There was one young woman who worked for Joann and wanted to take our pictures since she recognized all the fabrics.  She raved about our outfits and said she had to show all the women she worked with my cute kids.  It was a very fun day and what mama wouldn't swell with pride with these three handsome little guys at her side!

Just so adorable

Riding on the River boat one of Dapper Days suggested activities

Seriously I just had to smile all day long when I looked at these little guys.

 And Now for the girls!

This was truly the fun part.  I love my little boys but I like to play dress ups too and doing it with my daughter is even more fun than I had ever imagined.  So For Lilly and I, I wanted to do Ursula and Ariel.  I don't know why I like the villains so much but I really do.  I told Lilly about it and she said "OK mommy but don't be scary."

When I was planning our dresses I didn't want to make "Ariels dress" and I didn't want to make an Ursula costume.  (When I saw my friend in the morning who was going with us she looked a little relieved to see that I didn't have large tentacles attached to my dress.) I wanted retro style dresses that were inspired by the characters.  

 For Lilly we picked a Simplicity Disney Fairies Pattern.    Although it wasn't in a 50's style like my dress it was a fancy little pattern with pretty trim so we thought it would be just fine.  We made the dress out of Tutti Frutti brand material. She had purple on the top to represent Ariel's shells and a green bottom to represent her fins.  The dress had flowing accents on the shoulders and around the bottom which made it seem a bit sea like to me.  I absolutely loved the way it turned out.  

We made her some accessories as well. I bought a red (like Ariel's hair) sparkly headband at Joann (I love those dollar bin finds!!!).  My mom made a flower out of the same material that the top of her dress was in and I glued it onto the headband along with a little starfish.  We also made a little necklace by threading some red ribbon through a sea shell.  She loved her dress and she showed it off and spun around like such a little lady!

She was a little grumpy because Grandma put her down for a second but it is a good shot of the outfit

With my dress we really lucked out and found a retro pattern from Butterick.  It was a wrap style dress that had one piece that went over the head to form the shirt and underskirt.  Then the back piece wrapped around in front to fill in the rest of the skirt.  It said it was very easy but I think my mom and I were having so late night troubles figuring things out and we made several mistakes trying to put the pattern together.  Now that we have done it once I think it would be a fairly easy dress to make.  I went with Ursula's signature colors of purple and black.  I found this great black material that had a gray swirl pattern.  I thought it gave it a hint of the tentacle feel without having eight giant legs hanging from my waist.

Dapper Day Ariel and Ursula.

My mom and I also tried out making a hat.  This one took us some time to figure out as well.  Neither of us had ever made a hat before and the pattern was a little tricky to read.  I loved how it turned out but I think I need to readjust the clips.  The hat is supposed to be worn slightly to one side and forward on the head but it kept sliding down the side of my head.  I also found the perfect golden shell necklace on etsy to really make the outfit perfect.   Oh yeah and one of the most important things.  I had super comfy sketcher sandals.  If I didn't have those sandals I would totally have worn some sneakers because lets face it... it is still Disneyland and I love my feet too much to wear uncomfortable heels all day.

A quick shot of the hat after we made it.

As if making three vests, three box ties, a little girl's dress and an adult dress wasn't enough my mom made two more dresses.  She started with one for My Aunt.  My Aunt is also a fan of Frozen so she picked to take her inspiration from Elsa.  She used the same pattern we used for my dress.  Since it's a wrap dress she picked two fabrics as well.  She found a great teal color for underneath and a beautiful blue sparkly material that looked very "snow flakey" and perfect for and Elsa dress.  In fact, both my daughter and my niece have asked for similar Elsa dresses from their grandma.

Dapper Day Sisters.

My mom picked one of her favorite Disney characters of all time, Mary Poppins.  I tried to convince her that a blue and yellow stripped dress would be an awesome flounder to our Ariel and Ursula but she wasn't buying it.  She picked an off the shoulder tie dress that she also made out of a Tutti Fruiti fabric from Joanne fabrics.  We were trying to make her dress look like Marry Poppins in her Jolly Holiday dress.  She made a simple red bow out of thick ribbon to accent the white dress she made. She bought a fun red necklace and bracelet to go with the ribbon.  Of course it couldn't be a Jolly Holiday without a beautiful parasol to top off the outfit.

My mom and my aunt both found some cheap (price not quality) hats that they spruced up with some ribbons to match their dresses.

The ladies of Dapper Day.

We all had such a fantastic day I am looking forward to the next Dapper Day.  The kids most likely won't fit in their outfits.  They seriously grow like weeds those little buggers.   Maybe we will make some new dresses or maybe we will wear the ones we already made but I know we will be there in September.

And just because I can't help it.  I have to include my favorite picture of the day.  My parents are just the cutest couple I know and a true inspiration to what a marriage should be like.

Self esteem and motherhood

Recently there was a post on a parenting website that I participate in where someone asked a fairly simple question. How is your self-esteem these days?  My answer to that is not very easy for me to own up to, but I did answer on the board and I have been thinking about it ever since. I hate to acknowledge some of the things I am going to admit to right now because it makes me very vulnerable, but I know there are many parents, especially moms who struggle with the same thing. So here we go…

My self-esteem is pretty bad. I have struggled with my view of myself since I was a teen. I always felt like I wasn’t pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, or talented enough. I just felt like I wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t that I had people around me telling me this. I always felt loved and encouraged throughout my childhood by both family and friends. It was just that I was never good enough for me.

I don’t know if this is something that is hard wired in my brain or if it stems from my struggles with weight, but I often have a battle going on in my head. I hear this negative little voice in the back of my mind. I look in the mirror and don’t like what I see. I try to convince myself that it is silly. I am a loyal and kind person. I am a good friend, a loving wife, a grateful daughter, and a devoted mother. There are so many positive things I can point out that it almost seems silly to say out loud that I have a bad self image. But for every good thing I have, this nagging little “but it could be better” lurks in the back of my mind.

Now I have four little people who look to me for so much. I am responsible for their day to day care and for shaping them into who they will become. That feels like the weight of the world is on my shoulders and for someone who doesn’t always like the reflection in the mirror, that can be very difficult. About a year ago I decided that I had to turn it around for my kids.  I know some day they will see me for all my faults and maybe laugh with each other about how crazy mom is. I don’t mind that, but I also want them to see me as a strong woman who valued herself and her contributions to this life. I knew I had to change myself in order for them to see me that way, and I have been actively working on it since then.

My biggest struggle is with my body image.  I had a hard time before kids but add countless stretch marks from neck to ankles and horribly stretched out skin and it is even harder to like my appearance.  And I am getting older on top of that.  I can see wrinkles and my skin is freckled more than it used to be.   A hair stylist doing my hair said, “is this your natural hair color? It’s really pretty; it hardly has any grey in it.”  (Hardly any?? There should be none…. cue the sobs.) Oh the list can go on and on, but I decided to stop focusing on that and do something to help myself.

Last year I signed up for my first 5K.  I loved it.  I have since done a 10K and I am planning on going for a half marathon in November.  I know it’s not much, but it has helped my self-image immensely. I proved to myself that I could do it if I put my mind to it, and more importantly I showed my kids what some hard work and dedication can do.

Minutes after running our first 10k

Something happened a few days ago that made me both cringe and laugh at the same time.  My oldest son was in the bathroom with me.  He was facing away from me so I had some privacy, but he turned around as I was zipping my pants. (I’m sure most parents know that there is no privacy in parenthood.)  He fired off several questions all at once, and we had a somewhat embarrassing conversation in a public restroom with everyone else listening.

James: Mommy what are those squiggly lines on your tummy?  Why is it lumpy and wiggly?

Me:  It is just the way my body is now.  It happened when I was pregnant with your brothers and sister.

James:  How?

Me:  When a baby grows in a mommy’s tummy the skin has to stretch. Sometimes it leaves scars like those squiggly lines and sometimes it just leaves lumpy loose skin.

James:  Can I see them? Do you like them? (as he lifted my shirt and traced a particularly large stretch mark up my side.)

Me:  You can see it for a second and well… no I didn’t like them at first. But now I think back to how hard my body worked to grow a baby that I really don’t mind them so much any more.

James:  It is funny looking.

Me:  Yep, kind of.  I think some of them look like lightning bolts.

James:  Oh like Harry Potter…cool! (He has never seen the movie but we are starting to read the first book.) I didn’t grow in your tummy so I didn’t make marks on your tummy?

Me:  That’s right; you didn’t give me any stretch marks.

James:  Haha that’s all my brothers’ fault.  They should go on time out.

I couldn’t help but laugh.  What fun questions to have to answer (in a public restroom) when I wish my body never saw the light of day. I wanted to push his hand away and lower my shirt the few inches he had pulled it up. I wanted to crawl into a hole because my son just asked why I have a flabby tummy with at least 5 other women around. Then I thought some day he might have stretch marks from growth spurts in his teen years and I don’t want him to hide. He might get married and have a wife whose body doesn’t go back to the way it was after having kids and I want him to know that it is beautiful. What message would I send to him if I hid my own scars in shame? So I let him look. I let him press his fingers onto a particularly large stretch mark on my side. When he was done we left the stall and went on with our day. I don’t know if he will remember that day, but I know I will.

In addition to my body image I also struggle with my daily role as a mom. I have four kids and that was my choice. I can’t imagine life any other way. They fill my days with meaning and joy but I also constantly worry if I am doing it right. I often wonder if I do enough, if they watch too much TV, if they are eating healthy enough, or if they are getting enough personal attention from me. I know so many moms who voice this same concern.  AM I DOING A GOOD ENOUGH JOB???  Only recently have I been able to tell myself yes. I don’t think I could have said that when my boys were one or two. At that point I was still struggling to survive and keep us all alive each day. I was also stressed about what a makes you a good or bad mom and I think the definition is different for everyone.

I still don’t have it all figured out.  Sometimes I yell at my kids when they don’t  listen the first 10 times that I asked them to put their shoes because we are already late for school.  Sometimes I let them watch too much TV on days when I am tired or don’t feel good.  Sometimes we eat fast food because I didn’t get the chicken out of the freezer in enough time to have it ready.  Sometimes (OK maybe most of the time) my house is a mess and the laundry is in piles. But even with all those negatives I am trying to remind myself that those things don’t detract from the good things I do with my kids. I always tell them how proud of them I am and how much I love them. I try to break out time for each of them individually so they can enjoy some time with us. I am trying to be an advocate in their education. I try to make sure we just have to have fun together. Those things make me a good mom and I can say that with confidence now.

I need to be a good role model for these little ones!

Now that the boys are in school I get a lot more feedback about their behavior.  I have gotten nothing but rave reviews on my boys.  The office staff at the school tells me they are the most pleasant well-mannered boys they have ever met. Their teachers are sad because we can’t keep them at the school through grade school because they will miss them. It has been a huge boost to my mommy self-esteem. Maybe we are doing something right? It reinforces my belief in myself that I am a good mom. Sometimes it seems like we are living with four little Tasmanian devils running around destroying the house and driving me crazy. But it makes me swell with pride when I hear good things about them.

I would still classify myself as someone with bad self-esteem because I still have that little nagging voice to deal with, but I am becoming more confident as time goes by. I have come a long way since I was a teen or when I first became a mom. I still don’t particularly like looking in mirrors, but I am proud that this body has run a 10K. I am proud of the scars I will undoubtedly carry forever.  Those scars show how amazing my body was. It built two people at the same time and kept them in for 37 weeks. I still worry about my kids and my effect on them. I still worry about who they will become, but I am able to say I am a good mom. I am not perfect but I am good enough. I am good enough for my family, my friends, my husband, my kids and more importantly myself.