Present not Perfect: My New Mantra for the Holiday Season.

I recently read the book Bread and Wine by Shauna Niequist with my moms' group.  One chapter that particularly resonated with me was called "Present not Perfect."  In it the author talked about how sometimes in the holiday season we tend to overdo it.  We overspend, overindulge, and overcommit ourselves.  We often forget what is really important about the season while we are busy putting together the perfect holiday.  We have to buy the perfect gifts, bring the best homemade dishes to parties, and show off our perfectly decorated and cleaned homes. As I read this chapter I found myself laughing and nodding at so many things that I related too. I can’t even begin to explain how frazzled I can get during the holiday season.  The thing that struck me the most was when she wrote about being present with a whole and healthy heart and mind. Instead of showing up to an event frazzled and stressed, all while yelling at our kids to hurry up and not get messy, we should say no to a few things and be truly present in the moment for the things we do agree to take on.  

This year I have decided to do just that.  I am not going to get frazzled or stressed. I am not going to let myself get worked up about being perfect or having the perfect holiday season for my kids.  I have been able to see that no matter what we do my, kids will be happy and we will be making great memories together.  This weekend I actually had the chance to put this into action, and I have to say I surprised myself with how calm I remained and how much more I enjoyed myself.

Each year my family puts on a Christmas party for our close friends and family.  All of the kids make graham cracker houses and then we have a special visitor from Santa, followed by a meal together. This is usually a major source of stress for me. I love doing it, but I panic about the state of my house, which always looks like it has been hit by a hurricane (four little hurricanes to be precise). I panic about having a great spread of food for everyone. I panic about people RSVPing and having enough supplies or presents from Santa to pass out.   Although I have a great time during our party, I am always running around making sure everything is going well, and it is just plain exhausting.

This year I promised myself not to panic.  I decided to let go a little.  I was going to concentrate on being present in the moment instead of striving for perfection.  I realized that my house is a cluttered mess and that is just the way it will be.  I did clean before everyone came over, because let’s face it -- houses do in fact have to get cleaned.  But instead of staying up until all hours of the night scrubbing the house from top to bottom before allowing a single soul to step through the house, I just did some quick cleaning and picking up and let it be at that. I bought almost all of our food -- some sandwich platters, fruit and veggie platters, chips and salsa -- pre-made straight from the grocery store.  The only thing I made from scratch was two soups (potato and butternut squash), which were requested by my family. It was as simple as throwing things on the table when it came time to eat. I bought supplies for houses even for those people who never RSVP'd, instead of worrying about who was coming and who wasn’t.  I figured if people showed up they would be welcomed with open arms, candy for houses and a small gift from Santa.

It's about getting messy and having fun -- my Joe with his mouth full of candy and a hand covered in frosting building his house with his Aunt.

It was hard for me to let go of some of the things I usually obsess over.  I even tried to sit down and eat dinner with some of our friends.  I of course had to get up about ten times (not because I was the hostess, but because I am a mother of four and getting up ten times during a meal is pretty normal for me).  When I took the time to let go and relax, I was able to be present completely. I joked and laughed with our friends.  I marveled at the joy in our children’s eyes as Santa came in the front door.  We have been doing this party with this group of friends for years. We smiled as we watched a little one run up to Santa to be the first one on his lap.  Her mom was shocked since last year she wanted nothing to do with him.  We gathered around and talked about how our kids have grown and changed from year to year.  In past years I may have missed these little moments while my brain was striving for perfection instead of just being present in the moment.

Our friends and family look forward to their yearly picture with Mr. and Mrs. Claus. Lilly is still a little unsure but the boys get so excited.

I was still exhausted because let’s face it -- a big party is still a lot of work, but I was not stressed.  My new mantra had worked for our big Christmas party.  I have several more hurdles to overcome this holiday season that would usually trip my mommy panic triggers.  We have a weekend trip to San Diego and my moms' group Christmas party, but the biggest thing is that the Train family will be on a road trip for Christmas.  We leave in about a week and a half and I would normally be freaking out by now.  Not only because I have to pack for six people for possibly two weeks (oh yeah… did I mention I am not sure exactly how long our trip will be or when we will be coming back?), but it is also over Christmas.  I am truly excited for this trip, but it's a lot of to take this whole crazy show on the road.

I am going to keep telling myself “be present not perfect” over and over again.  I will make plans and pack for our trip, but I am not going to get overly worried about how our holiday will look while we are away from home.  Whatever we do, it will be fantastic.  My little southern California babies are looking forward to seeing and playing in snow.  They will not remember if I spent hours trying to make it the perfect holiday.  They will just remember the time we spend together as a family, and that is what truly matters for me this holiday season.  I will give my family the gift of a less stressed out mom.  I will be present in the moment and enjoy our holiday without worrying about making it perfect.

Lilly Turns Two

My Dear Daughter,

I started this letter the day you turned two.  Like any mother of an active toddler will tell you, it is hard to get anything done so I am finishing more than a week later.  This one is hitting your momma a little hard for some reason.  My little baby is not a baby anymore.  In my heart I know that this time as a toddler is so fleeting and I am trying to soak it all up.  I had great plans for us on your birthday.  After dropping your brothers off we were going to go to the library and the park, then off to a fun lunch together.  I wanted to document the whole day in pictures for you as we enjoyed your special day.  Unfortunately your brothers had some others plans for us.  Sick boys staying home from school means all plans must be changed.  Instead of taking fun pictures at the park, I was cleaning up after sick kids while trying desperately to make it a nice day for you.  I did manage to snap a few pictures of you on the porch to remember the cute outfit I picked out for you, and surprisingly got you to agree to wear.

Even though I canceled all our plans, I decided to take the time to jot down some of the things you are doing that just make my heart melt, or make me laugh.  As you did things throughout the day, I took a note in my phone so I would have it to make this list and tell you about each thing.

1)      You wake up perky in the morning just like your mommy (I should say pre-kid mommy because now I feel like I drag my bones out of bed most mornings).  You are an early riser and you wake up ready to go.  It's a good morning if you make it to 6.  The minute you see me coming down the hall, you smile and say, “Morning Mommy. All done, get up now.”  You gather up all yours toys for some couch snuggle time, but you can barely hold them all.  I love your beautiful smile and seeing it in the morning just brightens my day.

2)      You like to pick out your own clothes. Actually I should say you insist on picking out your own clothes. Today I really had to sell it too you in order to put a matching outfit together. You started at about 20 months insisting that you pick out clothes like your brothers.  You definitely have your own style and favorite color -- pink.  Right now your favorite things to wear are t-shirts and soft cotton pants.  Some of your combinations just make me laugh.  Also, if I washed your Ariel shirt every night, I am pretty sure it would be your top choice.  You are not a fan of dresses or frilly things.  When I do put you in them, it usually results in a 15 minute fit before you resign to wearing it with a giant pouty face.

This is what happens when I pick something you don't want to wear.

3)      You are talking up a storm.  I can’t even keep track of how many words you have anymore.  You have always been good at communicating.  Since you were about one, I could always understand what you wanted.  Now we get to have full conversations. It really gives me the chance to see more of your personality and what you are thinking about.  You say some things that are so cute, I can't help but laugh.  You use “Mommy is” or "Daddy is” whenever you want us to do something.  If you want me to fill your sippy  cup, you hand it to me and say, “Mommy is.”  I have to ask, “What is mommy going to do?”  Then you reply with “Mommy is going to fill cup.”   You walk up to me and give me a hug around my leg and say, “I love you mommy” for no reason and I melt. You go up to people and say, “I tickle you. It’s funny, you laugh.”  You have so many cute things I really can’t write them all down.

4)      When you see a camera, you flash your lovely smile for about 3 seconds then switch to sticking your fingers in your mouth and making a silly face.  I have learned that in order to get a picture of that beautiful smile, I have to be extremely fast.  I usually get one nice smile picture followed by ten silly face pictures.  Some day I am going to make a collage of all your silly face pictures that I have taken over the past few months.

5)      You do not let your brothers get away with anything.  People have told me since the day we found out you were a girl that you would be tough.  That any girl with three older brothers would have to be tough to survive.  You have lived up to everyone’s predictions.  If they try to take a toy from you you scream, “No brothers, not your toy.”  You sometimes hit and pinch, but we are working on stopping that behavior.  You can hold your own in wrestling matches and light saber fights and it makes your daddy proud.  We have used the word "spirited" and "feisty" to describe your personality quite a bit.

6)      You are very interested in princesses, dolls, R2D2, pretend kitchen toys and tools.  You are a perfect mesh of girly girl and tomboy. You love your princess shirts but want to wear them while rolling in the dirt.  I love this part of your personality.  You are just a well-rounded mix of interests.

7)      You are not afraid to try new things.  Even if things are tricky or scary, you keep trying until you get it.  For the last 6 months you have been climbing up on your brothers’ trikes, but you were not able to reach the pedals.  Finally the day you turned two, you were able to pedal yourself around the front yard and you were so pleased. You have also been taking after your brothers and learned how jump off the couch.

8)      You like to hum and sing with me while I sing you a lullaby.  Your bedtime is truly a special time for me.  We sing songs and read books and I love that you participate with me.  Right now you always want me to sing Baby Mine, It’s a Small World, and Part of Your World.  I am sure the songs will change and eventually you won’t need a lullaby, but for now I will enjoy our time together.

Today didn't turn out like I planned.  We didn't go out on any grand adventure and we ended up just getting take out for dinner, but I still spent the whole day thinking about you.  I watched you and smiled as you played on the floor.  I watched you and thought about who you are becoming and who you will be. I chatted with other moms about how weird it will be when you are a teenager.  I know that those days will come sooner than I expect, but for now I will just watch and enjoy you as a toddler.

Today, my dear daughter, you turned two and you are a beautiful, resourceful, creative little lady. I do get a little sad to think my baby girl is getting older but  I am excited to see what the next year will bring us.

With all my love,

Mom

A Legacy of Homemade Costumes

My family has always been big on holidays, celebrating with big meals, treats, and decorating our houses. We would gather together and celebrate even the smaller holidays like St. Patrick's Day and Valentine's Day. But by far one of my favorite holidays (coming in as a very very close second to Christmas) was Halloween.  I love the fun and fantasy of dressing up and being with family.  I have fond memories of trick or treating with my family.  But more than that, I have love and admiration for my mother surrounding this holiday.

When I think about Halloween, my most cherished memories are not about candy or haunted houses; they are about my mom's homemade costumes. Each year months before Halloween, we would start planning our costumes and the pieces we would need to put everything together.  I know for most people this sounds crazy, but it was a wonderful time for my mom and me. I loved going with my mom to the fabric store and looking at patterns. It can be so hard to choose, but it was so much fun.

I would get so excited  (and still do) when we found the perfect fabric for our projects.  My mom worked when I was a kid, so she did all of her sewing in the evenings.  Sometimes she would let us watch and talk about sewing and how the projects were going.  Other times she would work when we went to bed.  Not only did she make our costumes, but she often made a matching dress for our cabbage patch dolls.  (I seriously don't know how she found the time).  I was always so excited to go to school and show off my mom's creations.

My unicorn costume in second grade, with my baby doll unicorn to match.

There was one year that I remember in particular.  My sister and I wanted to be Rainbow Brite.  I remember my mom telling us we couldn't be Rainbow Brite; we had to pick one of the other characters.  I don't remember her giving me any reason or being really upset by it.  She made my sister an awesome Patty O'Green Costume and I was a beautiful Lala Orange.  I loved those costumes and we had a great year.  I found out as an adult that she was so sad that year.  The reason we couldn't be Rainbow Brite was because the fabric to make her costume was too expensive (there were a ton of different colored fabrics and accents on the dress), so she told us to pick a character that was made from one color of fabric with just white accents. I had no clue.  All I remember is the great Halloween she put together for my sister and me.  I wish that this Halloween in particular didn't bother her so much.  I wish she could see it through my eyes.  I never saw the lack of money.  I only saw the love she put into our dresses.

My sister and I were a hit that year

Now as a grown up, I still love dressing up.  One of my greatest joys as a mother has been sharing this legacy of homemade costumes with my kids. Since my kids were born, my mom and I have taken on the challenge of making costumes for not only my kids, but us as well. What can I say -- she is my mom and she still loves making her little girl a costume.  I love doing family costumes.  I am sure at some point they are going to figure out how uncool mom and dad are and want to be on their own at Halloween, so I figure I am going to milk it for as many years as possible.  My boys' first Halloween (yes they all had their first Halloween together) was in 2009.  Mr. Train is a huge Star Wars fan so we knew what we were going to do before the twins were born.  Mr. Train and I both had costumes already so it wasn't a big project that year.  But I have to say my kids were the cutest Ewoks and Yoda on the planet.  (I know it's what all mothers think but still...they were.)

Our Star Wars family, and first Halloween with kids.

People thought we were crazy for putting so much time into a costume for kids who wouldn't remember, but I couldn't help it.  It was such a big part of my childhood and I wanted to share it with my kids, even though they were so young.  Very quickly after our first Halloween, I knew what we would do for our second.  James loved Captain Hook and Peter Pan so we decided to go with pirates.  This year we got the whole family including my parents and Mr. Train's Parents.  Even at this point my kids didn't understand costumes and the time it took to make these, but I did it anyway and I am happy I did.  Recently my kids have started to go through their baby books.  Some of their favorite pictures to talk about are their Halloween pictures.  James loved that we made him a Captain Hook jacket.  He laughs at all our pictures and tells me he looked good.

A pirate family portrait

The next year was a little tricky because I was scheduled for my C-section on October 25.  That meant on Halloween I would have a 6 day old baby and be 6 days post-surgery.  I didn't let it stop me though.  I still wanted to have a great family Halloween.  I saw a cute baby and mommy costume with the baby as a spider and the mommy as a web.  I decided we could go with that.  We dressed the boys up as little bugs, my husband was an exterminator and Lilly and I were a spider and a web.  I didn't make a form fitting dress.  I just had a witch's cape made out of spider web material.  I had no idea how deflated (or not deflated) I would be 6 days postpartum or how sore I would be.  This was yet another year where all of my friends thought I was crazy.  I wasn't able to trick or treat with them, but I sat outside and watched them go and enjoy their holiday in their homemade costumes.

Bugs and an exterminator

After bugs my mom REALLY wanted to make them the three musketeers.  I am pretty sure she has wanted to do that since they were born.  It was going to take a little convincing though.  After all, they didn't even know who the three musketeers were.  I worked on them the entire year.  I even bought the Mickey Mouse Three Musketeers movie to show them how awesome the characters were and how fun it would be.  I am lucky that my three year olds were easy to convince because I am pretty sure my mom would have been heartbroken if she didn't get to make these.  I think a big part of it was that they would get to have swords, so I used that as my selling point.  This has to be one of my favorite years so far.  Mr. Train, my cousin and I got to be the bad guys and the kids had a great time fighting us.   My mom and I loved dressing Lilly up as a little lady in waiting.  Of course my little delicate girl twirled in her dress smiling like a little angel.  Then she picked up one of her brother's swords and chased them all around our yard, all while yelling at the top of her lungs.  That's my girl; she still has that feisty personality.

All for One and One for All!

This year the boys were a little harder to get everyone on board with one family idea .  We tossed around characters from How to Train your Dragon, or X-men but  Star Wars has won again.  This time they got to pick which character they wanted to be.  They of course picked characters with light sabers (because what boy wouldn't?).  They told me they wanted me to be a bad guy again, so I had to find a new costume for me.  They picked a more obscure costume for me from one of their books, Asajj Ventress, so it was a little tricky for me to put together, but I think it worked out.  And Lilly is probably the cutest R2D2 around (again, a mother's opinion) and again my parents are joining us in our little costume adventures.

Sorry for the not so good iPhone photo, I promise to have better ones after Halloween.

I hope when my kids look back they see the love that my mom and I out into these costumes.  I don't care about them appreciating the work, money or hours.  I just want them to see how much they mean to me and the joy that we can have as a family.  My mom gave that gift to me and I love continuing it with my kids.

Making Decorations the kids can enjoy

My Halloween Block heads

Last year I was in charge of a craft day with my moms' group.  I had to consider that each of the woman in that group had varying levels of abilities when it came to crafts.  My craft day was around Halloween, so I thought I would do something everyone could take home and use in their house.  I also wanted it to be something that kids could both enjoy making and playing with.  So often decorations are breakable or valuable so kids can't play with them, but I like to have a few things that they can help put up and play with throughout the season.  I started looking on Pinterest to find some fun inspirations for kid friendly decorations and I found this post that had a very simple looking craft.  I did  not have the tools to make it exactly like hers, so I decided to come up with my own set.  While making my sample set the kids absolutely fell in love.  They ask to play with them all the time.

Kid tested

Here are the basic materials.  Some of the characters have a few extra accent pieces.

• 2x4 cut into 6 inch blocks
• Paint (I used spray paint for the green and orange but I had left over paint from our house that I used for the white)
• Paint pen
• Felt
• Glue
• Googly eyes (if you want them)
• Pumpkin - has a pipe cleaner and either a cork or a wooden handle painted green
• Witch - black curling ribbon
• Frankenstein - 2 wooden knobs painted silver
• Mummy and Frankenstein's Bride - white material, I used left over flannel I had in my craft supplies but any material would work.  The mummies look better if the material frays a bit.

Directions
1.  Cut the 2x4 into blocks.  Mine are about 6-7 inches tall.  If you don't have a saw, the store where you get your wood should be able to make the cuts for you.
2.  Sand and paint the blocks.  Depending on your wood it might take a couple coats.  Raw wood can absorb a ton of paint especially if it is a light color.  I also left the bottoms unpainted so I didn't have to let them dry and flip it. That saved on the painting time.
3 Cut felt pieces and material strips for each of the monsters you wish to make.  I cut all the pieces free hand.  At first they might look a little tricky, but really they are all just basic shapes.
4.  Glue all of the pieces on with Tacky glue.  You could use plain white glue as well, but then you might have to sit and hold things in place longer.  Most of the characters are pretty easy to put together.  Some have a few extra parts that I will describe below.
5. Add in extra features that aren't made of felt.  I made two different sets.  I made one that had a simple face that I painted on with a black paint pen.  Each face had a straight  line smile and dots for eyes.  My mom preferred the silly face set.  I glued on googly eyes and then painted a wiggly line for a smile.

Bride of Frankenstein -This one needs a large rectangle of black felt with a rounded top and four white strips for the hair. I cut them into squiggles to make make it look more flowing.  One small strip of white fabric is used to make the shoulders of her dress.  To make the dress, I took a long strip and glued it flat onto the back side of the block.  As I came around the sides, I only glued the top of the material to the wood and angled it down to look like the collar of a dress.  Then I just trimmed the excess material.



Frankenstein's monster - He takes four pieces of black felt, one rectangle for the top and three rectangles with one side cut to look like hair. Frankenstein has two extra knobs that need to be glued.  Even with Tacky glue they need to be held in place for a few minutes until the glue dries a bit.

Frankenstein's Monster and The Bride

Ghost - I just used black felt to cut out two eyes and a mouth. I think the ghosts can be really fun because there are so many ways to do a Ghost face and it leaves a lot of room for creativity.
Pumpkin - It needs two eyes, a nose and a mouth out of black.  I also made two green leaves out of felt. After gluing the face on I started on the top.  I glued the felt leaves to the wood block.  Then I twisted the pipe cleaner around the cork and glued them down together.
Skeleton - He is just some blacks eyes, a nose and a mouth.   I made one with a black mouth and small white pieces cut out for teeth.  I made another one by just cutting out chunks of the black felt and letting the white show through to look like teeth.



Vampire - This one needs a rectangle for the top.  To make the widow's peak and shirt, I used one rectangle and cut it into three triangles.  I also used a piece of stiff red felt to make the collar of his cape.

Just a little Tacky glue and he's all put together.

Mummy - This one just needs several strips of white fabric.  I tried to make it fray a little so that it looked a little older.  I started at the top and wrapped the block in the fabric.  I left a small spot for eyes to stick out of the wrapping.  As I wrapped it, I glued the fabric down so it was held in place nicely.

Witch - This one needs a black rectangle for the top, a black hat with an accent strip of color, and a green felt nose.  I made the hair by cutting several pieces of ribbon and making a knot in the middle.  I glued the knot to the wood then glued my top rectangle over the hair.

An example of the two different styles.

After they are all dry, put them out and let the kids enjoy.  I was so pleased at how they turned out and my moms' group loved making them.  I also like that they are cute versions of monsters.  It can be so hard to find cute Halloween monsters versus the gross scary ones.  I used to really like the super scary side to the holiday, but since having kids I have drastically changed my decorations and style.
I am hoping to add a few more characters to my set.  I was thinking about an owl, a cat, and maybe even a werewolf or monster from the blue lagoon.  I am running out of time for this year but maybe next year I will add them in.

DIY Halloween signs

I absolutely love Halloween. It’s a big deal in our family. We always have homemade costumes, tons of trick or treaters, friends over to celebrate and of course crafty homemade decorations. This year while I was looking around a craft store, I saw some cute signs with various sayings or words. I decided I could make some just like it. When I start a project from scratch I often make some mistakes and have a few do overs, but this one was a fairly simple task. I think it turned out cute and it is the type of craft that anyone can do.

Materials:

Wood letters
Wood plaques
Thick ribbon
Sponge brush
Paint
Modge Podge
Tacky Glue
Scrapbook paper

Directions:

1. Paint wood plaques and letter. If you are using a light colored paint it might take two colors. Don't forget to paint the sides of your wooden letters. It can be difficult to get into all the small crevices, but it's important to give it a finished look.

2. Cut papers to fit the tops of the wooden plaques. When cutting your paper, consider what letter you will be placing on it and what part of the paper you want showing. In the squares below I decided to use the letter "Y" on the paper that had the potions at the bottom because I knew more of the design would show.

3. Wait until paint is completely dry and then Modge Podge the paper to the wood plaques. First apply a layer of the Modge Podge to the wood. Let it dry slightly then apply a layer onto the back of the paper. Press onto the wood and smooth the paper out. Try to make sure it is completely flat. Let dry.

4. After it's dry, apply a second coat of modge podge. Make sure that all the edges of the paper are sealed. Let it dry completely. You might want to do several coats letting each one dry in between.

5. Glue letters with Tacky glue to the plaques.

6. Flip plaques over so that their back side is facing up. I like to line mine up on the crack in my table so that I know they are in a straight line. Apply glue to the backs and press the ribbon onto the backs of the plaques. Make sure it is straight and spaced evenly, otherwise your decoration will hang funny. Leave an extra 6-8 inches at the top.

7. When the ribbon is close to dry, flip the extra length at the top over and glue it down to make a loop.

8. Glue on a bow and tie on an extra circle of ribbon to make the hanger and you’re done.

The most fun part about it is my boys are learning their letters in school, so they walk past and tell me what the letters are. I love it!

One on One Time

5 years ago I found out that I was going to be a mom to a beautiful little boy.  He would be born in a month and if all went well, he would be a part of my family.  I quit my job and dreamed of the time I would spend with him.  Once I had him in my arms, I admired every inch of him.  I kissed his cheeks and snuggled with him.  I even enjoyed our night time feedings when it was just him and me in our living room.  I thought it was fantastic, but our time together was short lived.  When he was two months old, I found out that I was 6 weeks pregnant with twins.  At that moment things changed for us.  I wasn't just him and me.  It was all four of us together.

Once the twins were born it was my three boys and me.  We were always together.  I often wondered if my oldest James would feel cheated.  Most little boys don’t become a big brother at 8.5 months.  He didn't have two or three years like other older siblings have.  I often talked myself down by reminding myself that he didn't know any different.  He only knew what it is like to have two brothers.  They were my three little guys.

My Three Musketeers

Then two years later we added my little girl into the mix.  Now during the day it was 4 to 1.  Since Lilly was the newborn, she took up a great deal of my time.  I found myself often telling them, “Sister has to eat and then we will play.” Or “I will be right there, sister needs me.”  I tried my best to handle it all, but there were times that they were hurting for some attention.

And then there were four.

Every time Ray and I talked about one on one time, it usually ended up with him taking one boy for something.  It was usually Ray taking a boy to the grocery store or for a hair cut. While Lilly was nursing it was the obvious choice.  Lilly had to be with me so Ray would take one boy and spend some time with them. I was OK with that for a while, but once my boys started school this August I realized I missed them.  I wanted to have some time for each of them.  As Ray and I talked about it, we realized that I had never really had any time with each kid. I had those sweet few months with James, but that was five years ago. So we have decided to be much more deliberate with our time with our kids.

While I was trying to figure out how to manage our time, my dad told me he would watch the other kids and I could take each child to Disneyland for the day.  That’s a big commitment from my dad that I appreciate so much.  Not many grandpas would watch three kids all day for four days.  He is AWESOME!  I let the kids know our plans and they were over the moon.  At the time the twins were going to school three days a week, so I decided to take them on their off days.  Our passes were expiring so I only had one week.  That’s right… 7 days and four trips to Disneyland.  Let’s just say I was exhausted by the end, but I loved every minute of it.

When I got the chance to have time with just one kid, they were free to be themselves.  We went from opening to closing each day and they were thrilled.  They were shocked when I allowed them to pick what we did all day long.  Each boy is such an individual, and it sometimes gets lost in the mix of a large family.

My day with Joe was fantastic.  He wanted to wear his tie dyed Mickey shirt and he wanted me to match him.  So of course off to Disneyland we went with our matching shirts.  He knew exactly what he wanted to do all day long.  I got to see little pieces of his heart all day long.  He wanted to hold my hand on Star Tours so I wouldn't get scared.  He wanted to get a dessert at lunch so he could share with me (as long as he got the chocolate Mickey on top of course).  He wanted to make sure we went on It’s a Small World because it’s one of my favorites.  His sweet nature never ceases to amaze me.

His smile melts my heart

My day with Nick was full of jokes and laughs.  He is a silly little guy who likes to laugh.  Whenever we were standing in a line, he would do a silly dance or tell a silly joke.  We would run from ride to ride making sure we got on everything he wanted to.  There was no down time.  He didn't even want to stop for dinner and we ended up getting popcorn for the ride home.  I know… parenting prize of the year, but hey what’s a dinner of popcorn every now and then going to hurt?  Although he was having a great time, he was constantly talking about what his brothers were doing and what he was going to tell them about when he got home.

My little goofball

I felt my day with my oldest James was extremely important for us.  I’m not sure why, but I have the most difficulty reaching James.  He is a quiet kid who doesn't talk much.  He is always thinking but it’s hard to draw him out of his shell.  His day was all about celebrating that he is the big brother.  He wanted to do new things that we had never done. We went on The Tower of Terror for the first time, which is a big deal for a little guy like him.  We also went on the Bear Canyon River ride for the first time.  He was so excited to see mommy get soaked.  I felt a little sad because all day he kept saying he was ready to go home.  But when I asked him what ride he wanted to go on, he would pick “just one more” until Disneyland closed.  When we were in the car he told me he wanted to go home because he missed his brothers all day.  He did add that he had a good day and wanted to do it tomorrow.  He is a hard kid to read sometimes so I loved having a day with just him where he could be himself.

My big boy

Lilly’s day ended up being a mother-daughter day with my mom as well.  We had a great day going around and meeting princesses and riding on It’s a Small World.  Lilly often gets dragged around by her brothers and doesn't get to have much say in what we do.  But she is a lady with an opinion and she got a day to explore Disneyland all by herself.  It was awesome having my mom along and I didn't feel like I lost time with Lilly.  While she napped, we got to walk around and shop and talk.  It seems like even at 32, one on one time with my mom is still special.  That is certainly a good reminder of how important it is to my own kids.

Everyone needs their mom.

These were big days and obviously I can’t do that all the time. (My feet can’t handle that much Disneyland on a regular basis!) But we have been trying to incorporate more individual time for each kid.  I know in a family of six it is easy to get lost in the pack.  I want to make memories for my little ones and I want them to have special time with each of us.  For now we have been letting one kid go with Ray each night to walk the dog while I bathe the other three.  When they get back, they get to take a bath alone and have some time with me.  It’s been working well and those few moments I have with each of them is so valuable I wouldn't trade it for the world.

They aren't babies anymore

I have had an uneasy feeling for the last couple of months. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but every once in a while I would get a twinge of sadness or longing (I’m not sure if those are quite the right emotions since I couldn't really figure myself out). It would usually hit when my kids were being good, snuggly or cute. I really thought I was going crazy. Why would I feel sad when my son comes up to me and says, “Mommy could we snuggle for five minutes before you make breakfast?”  Tonight I figured out what has been slowly whittling at my heart.

Tonight I was giving Joe a bath.  He went to get out and I offered him my hand like I always do to make sure he doesn't slip while stepping out.  Here was our conversation.

Joe: Mommy I can do it by myself.  I won’t fall.

Me: OK well I was just trying to help.

Joe: I am a big boy and I can do it without slipping.

Me: What? A big boy? Where’s my baby?

Joe: Lilly is your baby.

Me: All of you are my babies but I suppose you are right. You are becoming a big boy.

Joe:  Mom (please note what he called me…. little tear) I am not Peter Pan. I have to grow up someday.

Me:  Very true son, very true.

Joe at 2.5 months and 4 years 2 months

That moment right there, that is when I figured out why in those sweet little moments I had pangs of sadness.  My babies aren't babies anymore and I can’t stop it from happening.  For the past four years I have been “that lady with all those babies.”  I know I get that label. It is OK.  Four babies in less than three years, I just expect it.  But now I am finding I have a new label.  I am the mom with the three boys in the same class and a toddler on the hip.  I know that’s crazy in itself, but it is a different feeling for me.

James at 1.5 months and 4 years 10 months

I look at my kids and I am constantly amazed at the changes I see daily. My three boys are in pre-k this year 5 days a week. For a stay at home mom who has had her little ones with her for four years, this is a big change. We are looking at our possible public school options in our area for kindergarten, and trying to prepare them for the rigorous demands that are coming their way.  My daughter can hold a full conversation with me.  I don’t know when it happened, but she is a major chatterbox. There are no more cribs in our house, YIKES!  My sons are in bunk beds. Each time I think about these things, I can feel that little twinge of sadness creeping up.

Nick at 1 month and 4 years and 2 months

After tonight, when I really figured out what has been bothering me, I decided how I am going to handle it.  I am going to savor those moments.  If it makes me a little sad, that’s ok.  I am going to let myself look at them fondly and still see my babies’ eyes looking back at me no matter how old they get. I have decided to embrace what is coming next. I am so excited that we can start things like boy scouts or get involved in school clubs.  Although I fear this unknown stage coming up, I am ready.  I am ready to be the mom with all those kids instead of the mom with all the babies.  I am going to let them enjoy their independence knowing that there will always be times even when they are adults, they will need their momma and I will always be there.  None of them are young enough to be considered a baby, but forever in my heart my babies they will be.

Lilly at 5 days and 1 years 11 months

Do you ever have moments when you look at your little one and realize just how big they are getting?  How do you handle it?

Our top 12 Halloween books

My favorite time of year is coming up. For our family, it seems like the “Holiday Season” starts in October with Halloween and just continues until the new year. Our house is decorated for Halloween and the kids are getting more and more excited about their costumes. I love to have books that are centered around what we are doing, and in October our focus is Halloween. Over the last five years we have collected quite a few Halloween books for the kids. When looking for Halloween books I was always very picky about the artwork and the information presented.  I always look for illustrations that are cute and friendly.  I don’t mind the kids learning about iconic Halloween monsters, but I don’t really want to show them really scary pictures.

Here are a few of the our families Halloween favorites.

1. Where is my Mummy? by Carolyn Crimi

This is our house favorite this year. The boys ask for it at least once but Lilly wants to read it ALL THE TIME (I read it six times in a row this morning). It has great illustrations and a fun rhyming scheme. The main story stars little baby mummy who wants to play hide and seek with big momma mummy. Along the way he runs into several monsters who are getting ready for bed. As he meets each monster there are great examples of onomatopoeia. Lilly loves to read along as baby mummy tromps through the forest and hears CLICK CLANK CLUNK from Bones the skeleton.

2. I Love You Little Pumpkin by Sandra Magsamen

This was one of my kids' favorite board books. Just like the other books by Sandra Magsamen, it ends with a mirror for baby to look at their own face. My kids love to hear “It’s my little pumpkin and I love you.” Lilly also likes to turn it so she can see me in the mirror and tell me "Lilly loves mommy." Priceless mommy heart melting moment!!

3. Where is Baby’s Pumpkin by Karen Katz

This is another lift the flap book that my sons would have torn apart but Lilly absolutely loves. Baby is dressed like a little black cat and is searching for her pumpkin. Lilly told me she is the baby and she needs ears to be a cat. I really just love the interactions I can have with my kids while reading books. I asked her if she wanted to be a kitty for Halloween and she told me “No, Kitty now R2D2 for Halloween.” We usually read this book 5-10 times in a row before she moves on.

4. Monster Mash By David Catrow

This is a great book of the popular Halloween song. The pictures are adorable. I do find it hard to read the book without singing the lyrics, and then the kids laugh and tell me it’s a book not a song. We have listened to the song a bunch to let them hear the music and look at the pictures at the same time. I like being able to make the connections between a book and a song.

5. Scaredy-Cat, Splat by Rob Scotton

This was our first Splat the Cat story and my kids fell in love with this crazy black cat. They have several of the Splat books but they really like this Halloween one. There is a part in the book where his costume gets ruined before school. His mom helps him quickly put together another costume before heading to school. I like to talk about it with my kids when we are having a rough day getting ready for school. I ask them if Splat's day was ruined by a bad thing in the morning or whether they were able to fix it and have a great day.

6. Halloween is Here by Fisher-Price

When my boys were really young these flap books were a big no no in our house. All they ever did was destroy the books. Luckily they have learned to handle them gently and Lilly doesn't seem to have the book shredding gene in her. Now we get to have these cute books in the house. I really like that this book isn't just about Halloween but also include great things about the season. There is a page at a farm where they are picking apples and pumpkins. We go out to a farm near our house for a pumpkin festival and it’s awesome to have a book to relate to some of our transitions.

7. Vampire Boy’s Good Night by Lisa Brown

I bought this book for the boys about 3 years ago. It is one of my favorites and is still one of theirs. I was thrilled to find a cute Halloween book with a little boy as the main character. Bella the little Vampire boy wakes up and decides to go and visit his witch friend Morgan. They end up at a Halloween party full of kids. It’s a cute story with great pictures.

8. Fly Ghost Fly by Steve Cox, Betty Ann Schwartz and Alexander Wilensky

This is a relatively short board book but it has a fun spinner in the center of the book with the Ghost on it. When the kids spin the ghost it looks like he is flying around. It has a great rhyme and rhythm. The little ghost flies around meeting bats, witches, mummies and skeletons and joins up with them at the end for a trick or treat party.

9. There Was An Old Lady Who Swallowed a Bat by Lucille Colandro and Jared D. Lee

This year this one is on my boys' favorite list. They help me read through the book and have figured out the rhythm of the book. They scream out at the end, “I don’t know why she swallowed a bat, imagine that!” It has cute pictures of a ghost and goblin that I wouldn't consider scary, which is a plus in my opinion.

10. Scary Storybook Collection by Various Authors

The boys love this one. I am not sure if it’s because the stories are longer so they get to stay up later or whether they really like it. It might be a combination of both. This one is definitely better for the older kids. It doesn't really hold Lilly’s attention. The stories are longer with fewer pictures. The stories are either based on Disney villains like Ursula or Captain Hook or Disney’s main characters in spooky situations.

11. Room on the Broom by Julia Donaldson

This is a cute book about a witch who flies around and gathers up friends to travel with her on her broom. It has a fun rhythm and the kids like to name the next animal to hop on the broom. This is a good book and I enjoy reading it, but its not on the top of the kids' list.

12. The Day Of The Dead, El DÍa De Los Muertos by Bob Barner and Teresa Mlawer

Growing up in Southern California, I have always been surrounded by Latin American culture. The Day of the Dead has always been a favorite holiday of mine and I love sharing it with the kids. I want them to grow up knowing about other cultures and celebrations. This book has beautiful colorful illustrations that are based on the Artwork from José Guadalupe Posada. It talks about the traditions and how people honor their ancestors. It is written in both English and Spanish. A few times Joe has even asked me to just read it in Spanish. It makes it so fun.

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I know there are so many more Halloween kids book that I can’t wait to read. What are some of your favorites?

Staying in love while raising four kids.

I get asked a lot about how my husband and I have managed to stay married with all the chaos of raising four kids.  It really got me thinking about what we do to keep our relationship alive and well during our adventures in parenthood.  First of all, I don’t think it’s a matter of staying married.  Staying married has been the easy part. The tricky part is staying head over heels in love with each other, while balancing the stress of parenting.  Not just being in love, but taking the time to show each other the love we feel is even harder.

Young and in love

So while talking to a friend about marriage, these are the things I came up with that have been critical to maintaining a healthy adult relationship for us while caring for the ever growing demands of parenthood.

We face our challenges as a team.

Whether it’s financial, household, kids, work or family related, I think it is important to take things on as a unit.  No matter what we face as a married couple, we have to go through it as a united front. We have had some bumpy times in our life together that have not been easy, but I always knew that Ray was there for me. Our biggest battles that kicked off our marriage were infertility followed by a contested adoption, while going through a high risk pregnancy and ending up with three infants under a year old.  I often thought “Well, if we can make it through this we can survive anything.”  And I really think it’s true. During that time we learned a lot about each other.  We learned about our strengths and weaknesses and where and when to help each other.

Now that we are well into the depths of parenthood, it has become even more apparent that being a solid unit is important. Let’s be real here.  There are twice as many of them as there are of us.  The numbers are not in our favor.  We have to have a good battle plan. Parenting is hard and there are times when we will falter. I love knowing that Mr. Train is there to take over when I am weak and I can do the same for him.  I can read my husband’s emotional signals pretty well by now.  I can tell when he is about to lose it and I know I have to step in.  It’s like a wrestling tag team.  When one of us can’t take much more, we know it’s safe to tap out and let the other one handle things.

I think our sense of humor has developed as our children have grown. It doesn't matter if they are screaming or pouting or laughing their heads off; we are there together smiling at the chaos around us.

Make time for each spouse to get away individually.

This does not happen often in our house but it is SO  important.  I think having our own individual time is critical for maintaining our own identity.  Ray and my dad have joined a whiskey tasting club, and I try to make sure that they can go when it has events.  I am active in my MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) group so whenever I need to go to a meeting or a mom’s night out, he has always lets me go without complaint.  It helps to have interests outside of the kids and each other.  It gives us things to talk about when we get the chance.

It also gives us time to relax with friends and blow off steam to someone who understands.  I absolutely love my husband unconditionally but when I want to talk pregnancy, birthing and breastfeeding, I really need my girlfriends who have been there and understand. When I need to talk to someone else who is at home all day with their kids, I have to go to my other SAHM friends because he just doesn’t understand.  On his side it is the same.  I don’t want to spend hours talking about fantasy football or computers.  But when he has time with his friends, that’s what they get to do.  When we come back together after our time apart, we can give each other the shortened highlights.

Make time for each other.

I think this is one of the hardest things as new parents.  It's one thing to give your spouse some time away; it's another to make time for both of you.  I often think about the final scene in Shrek 2.  They have had their triplet baby ogres and go through all the motions of their day.  They juggle their babies, feed and change them and get them all into bed.  Of course once the babies are in bed they look at each other with coy smiles and Shrek says “Are you thinking what I am thinking?”  Fiona smiles back and says “yes.”  It then cuts to them passed out on the end of their bed fully dressed, even with their shoes on.  I can’t tell you how many nights like that I have had as a new mom.  By the time all of parenting duties are done, there is just nothing left and I collapse, but it is so important to not let that happen ALL of the time.

We try to schedule date nights, but wait before you start making excuses about babysitting and expenses -- let me explain what our date nights usually look like. We do get to go out since we have family close by, but when it’s not an option we just do in home date nights.  It’s simple.  Sometimes I make a special dinner, maybe one of my husbands favorites, or something new that he wants to try.  After the kids are in bed we pick a movie on Netflix we have been meaning to watch and snuggle up on the couch.  It’s different from other nights because we are intentional about how we spend our time.  I make dinner with him in mind instead of rummaging through the pantry only to decide on spaghetti for the 4^th time that week.  On date night we put away the phones and iPad. We just enjoy relaxing together.  It is exceptionally hard for me because I am very bad at sitting and doing nothing.  But I don’t give into the urge to do chores on date night.  I sit and relax with my husband which is much more important than folding laundry.

With that being said, I have also found that it does wonders for our parental morale if we have date nights where we go out for dinner away from the kids.  I love my kids and I think about them when I am away, but I have not sat at my dinner table for an entire meal in five years.  The only time I have an uninterrupted meal is when we go out for the evening without the kids.  We try not to take advantage of our family, but we do get out when we can.  We probably get out about once a month or so.  Even if my family wasn't nearby I would find a reliable sitter and do it.  It is so lovely to just sit in a quiet restaurant enjoying each other's company.  Even if it is just an hour it can do wonders for a relationship.

Even on family vacations it's nice to remember we are a couple. We snapped a quick shot of us at Niagara falls before the kids went too crazy.

Remind each other that you are still attracted to each other.

Try to think back to the last time you told your spouse, “You are sexy” or “That looks great on you.”  I think as new parents it is so easy to take our partners for granted and forget that they want to feel loved.  It is especially important for woman.  Husbands, I want you to pay attention closely.  I have yet to meet a mother who did not have some part of her body she wanted to hide and not look at again.  For most of us it’s the stretch marks or loose skin that covers our bodies, or just the fact that our bodies have changed.  I am blessed to have a husband who has never once made me feel insecure about my mangled twin mommy belly, but we need to hear it every once in a while.  We need to know that you aren't just tolerating our new bodies but that you still love every inch, just like you did when we first started dating.

Ladies, although their bodies didn't have to stretch and change like ours, their lives have changed.  They may have gone a week without a shower while on paternity leave or missed a hair cut because timing just wasn’t right.  They need to know we still think they are the best thing on the planet.  Do you swoon when you see your husband holding your newborn child?  Do you melt inside when he dances around the living room with your toddler? Tell him!  Our husbands have a new role too in this life as parents, and they need to know that we are still head over heels in love with them and that doing the dishes without being asked is totally sexy!

Remember we are married and not just roommates; find time for intimacy.

I am not just talking about sex (that is incredibly important and should be done as often as you can), but physical intimacy of all kinds.  A friend of mine asked if I kissed my husband every day.  I had to really think.  There may have been days where he didn’t even get a kiss.  I was appalled at the thought that a day would pass without kissing my husband, but it happens.  There were days when we were just passing each other each while chasing down a kid who more than likely was getting into some kind of trouble.

Lately I have been much more intentional with finding spare moments to act like a husband and wife.  To be honest I can’t wait for my kids to be old enough to be grossed out by us.  I want to hear the groans and complaints that let me know I am teaching my kids what it’s like to be in a healthy loving relationship.  We hold hands, we kiss, we flirt, he comes up behind me while cooking and puts his hand on the small of my back while looking over my shoulder and complimenting what’s on the stove.  All of those times where we share intimate little moments not only keep our passion in our marriage, but it teaches our kids how to be loving and respectful of a partner.

If we are the center of our family I want that core to be strong and secure for our kids, that means taking time for us.