Big Boys and Kisses

To my surprise and amazement, my sweet little baby James has miraculously sprouted into a full blown little kid. One day I asked him how school was and gave him a kiss on the cheek, and it was like I had thrown acid on his face. He threw himself to the floor clawing at his face screaming. I thought maybe something bad had happened at school, but to my horror and dismay he was screaming, “No kisses, No Mommy I didn’t want a kiss.”

My jaw dropped to the floor. He was throwing this fit because I kissed his cheek. His desperate swipes at his face were because I had done something that I had done a million times before. It was like my heart was torn in a thousand pieces.

I don’t know how it happened but he is a big kid now.

When he finally calmed down, I was able to get him to tell my why he reacted that way. He told me that he was a big boy and didn’t always need a kiss. I wanted to just crumble but I knew I needed to address this issue in a way that both of us could handle. He claimed he didn’t want ANY more kisses EVER… and there is no way in this world that I was going to stop. It seemed as though we were at an impasse. Here are the things I have figured out to combat this stubborn no kissing streak he has been on.

1. Any time he wipes off a kiss I just tell him, “Oh good, you can just wipe that off and keep it until later.” He laughs and says, “No I don’t want to get it later.” We go back and forth about keeping it safe for later. Sometimes when he thinks I am not looking, he puts that little kiss back on and I can hear him giggling as I walk away.

2. I ask for hugs and kisses. If he says yes, then I am good and I go in for a big smooch on the cheek. If he says no I tell him, “OK, I won’t give you any kisses… how about just a hug?” I can usually get hugs out of him even when he is not in the mood, so that’s not too bad. When I don’t try to give him kisses all the time, he actually misses them a bit and will often come to me and ask for a kiss. It is a very difficult part of motherhood. Eventually our little ones grow and don’t need us as much. It is a hard pill to swallow but I am working on it.

3. If he is in a good mood we play sticky kiss. I kiss my hand and plant it right on his cheek and say, “Sticky kiss.” As he wildly tries to wipe it off, I just remind him that it is still there and I can see it. He tries and tries to wipe it off and I just keep putting more on. He will run to the mirror and insist it is gone only to have me tell him it is still there and there is nothing he can do about it. It usually ends up in a big tickle fight. Every now and then he even comes up and gives me a sticky kiss first. (We are working on gently patting someone’s face vs smacking them; I have had a few big slaps recently as he grows in size and strength)

4. I told him about a mother’s first kiss. Now I must admit… I just made this one up but he really remembers it and asks me about it a couple of times a week. I told him that whenever a mother kisses her child for the first time, there is a mark left on the spot that only moms can see. It is a forever kiss because it is full of all the love a mother feels while she is waiting to meet each of her children. Every couple of days he says, “mommy where did you kiss me when I was a baby?” I lovingly touch his forehead and tell him it is still there and always will be. Sometimes he smiles and walks away and other times he curls up with me for some snuggles and asks about when he was born and how much I prayed for him.

He may be a big boy but he still needs his mamma every now and then.

I know that as my children grow older things will change. Snuggles will be less frequent and kisses may be off limits in public, but for now James and I have come to a compromise that we are both happy with. As my children age I know I have to change. I am not the mother of four precious little babies any more. I am the mother of four beautiful children and they are growing up. Sometimes it is a little faster than I would like and it takes me off guard. I have yet to figure out how to stop time but I know most moms would if they could, just for a moment, just to savor those precious times and let it really sink in. So now each time I kiss my big boy I savor that time with him. They are a gift and I appreciate every single one.

The Husband Project

A few months ago, well honestly it was longer than that (it takes me forever to write about things) a book was brought up in my MOPS (Mother’s of Preschoolers) group.  Another mom had mentioned the book The Husband Project by Kathi Lipp and that she needed a group of other women to read the book together as it is recommended by the author.  I joined the group with several other woman and we began our journey together.

When I heard the title at first I kind of laughed.  The husband project made me think it was a book about “fixing” our husbands or getting them to do what we want or something silly like that, but it really was about fixing ourselves and being a better wife for our husbands.  The full title of the book is The Husband Project: 21 Days of Loving Your Man on Purpose and with a Plan.  The basis of the book is to remind women that in the midst of our busy lives, we often forget to put our relationships as a top priority and it gives a small daily task to help strengthen the relationship.

He is a wonderful husband and this seemed like a great opportunity to remind him how much I appreciate him *

I know that many of us moms and wives have similar complaints or struggles in our marriages.  I know that because many of my friends have felt or do feel the same way that I have felt many times in my marriage.  As a newly married couple, we were able to spend all of our energy and time with each other.  Then along comes this other little person, or in my case three little people, who can’t do anything for themselves and our marriage can go from top of our priority list to the bottom.

When James was first born I thought I had it all under control.  I was taking care of him, the house and my husband. Then a month later I was miserably pregnant and sick.  There were three screaming babies that needed my attention all the time.  There were days when I was in the early stages of infancy with my boys when Mr. Train would come home and harmlessly say, “Are there plans for dinner tonight?” and I would want to pounce on him like a bear and growl, “last I checked you know how to make your own dang grilled cheese sandwich; figure it out!”

I know... not pretty... but I think a lot of us wives and mothers have been there.  There are evenings where there is absolutely nothing left to give to my husband.  When the kids have been clawing at me all day and screaming, “I want… I need… do this…”  I just feel depleted.  It doesn't have to be kids that can do this.  It could be stress at a job or family troubles, or maintaining the house.  There are so many things that pull women in 800 different directions, it is so easy to forget to put work into our marriages.

So my friends and I set up a facebook group to discuss the book and help each other through challenges. It is a three week challenge and each day the author gives a project.  Not all of us had the book so a few of us posted the projects a week at a time.  It worked for everyone, but I think reading the whole book was helpful because it gave more ideas and reasons behind doing each project.  The author is a Christian author so there are daily prayers as well, but I think anyone whether they are religious or not could read and participate in the projects.  Each day we would report back about what we did and how it was received.  I should say if you do form a support group, you need to be comfortable enough with each other to talk about or share intimate subjects.

Most of us were able to keep up with the projects and keep it secret from our husbands.  We chatted with each other about the difficulties we faced and how we solved them.  Some of the women had men traveling for part of the time and we figured out how to help each other with these little projects.  Some of us swapped baby sitting nights. Some of the challenges were more involved than others.  Some seemed easy enough but when it came down to it, ended up being difficult.  Here is an example of some of the projects.

- Give him 30 minutes of free time when he gets off work.
- Do something he enjoyed before you were married.
- Say something nice about your husband to someone else.
- Send a flirty text.
- Help your husband get a chore done.
- Wear something that you know he likes.
- Get rid of one article of clothing that you know he hates.
- Tell him you think he is attractive today.
- Cook his favorite meal.
There was also a bonus project each week to initiate sex at least once in the week.

While I was reading the book I kept thinking to myself, wow it would be nice if he did these things for me, but that was not the point.  I kept having to remind myself that I wasn't doing any of these projects because I wanted him to notice I was doing them.  I didn't need recognition or return favors.  The whole point was to just put our relationships at the top of the list sometimes, whether they are doing it in return or not.

Once we got started, we each shared our ideas and how our husbands reacted (if they reacted).  It was helpful to have someone to share our thoughts with throughout the process.  Some of the tasks were easy like I got rid of my nursing bras (it had been months since I had weaned Lilly) and Mr. Train saw and he was thrilled.  I knew he was not a fan because when laundry day came around and I happened to wear one, he made a comment and a weird face.  I knew it was time to trash them.  Some of the ones I had trouble with were things like sending a flirty text, or giving compliments.  I know they seem simple, but it’s not really in my personality to be particularly flirty, or I would get to the end of the day and I realized I hadn't complimented him yet.  It really opened my eyes to how often I can go the whole day without doing things on purpose to show that I love him.

If I want to do what's best for my kids I have to do what's best for my marriage which includes putting my husband higher on my priority list.*

At the end of the three weeks, I noticed that not only was I doing things to show my love but it was definitely being reciprocated on Mr. Train’s side.  He didn't’ know I was reading a book that was telling me to do simple things; he was just reacting to the things I did.  When I told him he looked nice in a dress shirt and jeans the next time we went out to dinner, he took the time to put on a dress shirt instead of his normal t shirt and shorts.  When I gave him 30 minutes of free time (although I did it at bedtime instead of when he came home) a few days later, he did the same thing for me. When I made a little change to my mommy uniform of jeans, t shirt and sloppy pony tail, he noticed and complimented me. It helped me to see that my initial reaction of thinking "well why isn’t he doing some of these things for me" was a little silly.  We aren't doing them for each other and someone might as well get the ball going.  I didn't mind at all that it was me and a book telling me exactly what to do.

A month or so after it was done, I fessed up to the project and he laughed at first.  He wanted to know if he was some sort of an experiment or if he was being compared to other husbands.  I assured him that no one was taking notes or comparing husbands; that wasn't the point.  He just laughed and said, “well if it made you give me a back rub, throw out your nursing bras, and get new pajamas I guess  I’m OK with it.”
I loved reading it and participating with my friends.  We supported each other and it helped rekindle our relationships with our husbands.  She has a few other books like The Get Yourself Organized Project and The Me Project that I am interested in trying.

Would you ever consider reading a book or participating in something like this to rekindle your relationship?
* photo by Heather Ikei

Winter trip 2013: Part 5 Arizona

The last leg of our trip was in Arizona to visit Ray's Grandparents.  They were celebrating their 65th wedding anniversary and it was New Years Eve.  While we were there we had the opportunity to visit with Ray's cousin for a bit which was great.

We had another 5 hour drive to get from Las Vegas to Arizona but the kids did pretty well.  We ended up not stopping for lunch and instead giving each kid a Lunchable.  I will admit it makes my stomach churn to think of the crappy meat and cheese that are in those things but hey, it was food and it came in their own tray so they were able to eat on the go.   When we finally arrived they were so excited to get out of the car.  They had been waiting for so long to be able to ride their scooters from Santa.  It was all that was on their minds.  Luckily they were right under their seats so it was they were pretty easy to find.

Finally getting to really test out their scooters.

After their initial scooter fest we were able to get them to come say hi to everyone and I think Joe developed a little crush.  Ray's cousin was visiting from Brazil with his fiance.  She was all Joe could think about.  They colored together and flew paper airplanes.  When we went back to our condo Joe wanted to make sure he had his plane that they made together so they could play the next day.  She was such a good sport for humoring them and playing non stop.

Some times the best picture is the silly face picture.

We spent the whole next day just hanging out at Ray's Grandparent's house.  The kids were amazed that Great Grandpa had a fountain in the backyard and kept wanting to play with it.  We also spent a fair amount of time having scooter and running races around the cul de sac.  We had been doing so much traveling and driving they just needed to go bonkers. Joe of course got to spend more time with his new crush who again was a fantastic sport and played non stop.

Lilly and James tackled Ray in the drive way!

We all went out to dinner.  Ray's cousins would be leaving the next morning so we wanted to make sure we got to spend as much time with them before we went to take the kids to sleep.  Joe and Nick of course wanted to sit next to their lovely new friend.  James was happy to sit next to Ray's cousin but ended up jumping to several other seats throughout the dinner.  When we were getting ready to leave for the evening and take the kids to bed Joe was so sad that he wasn't going to be able to fly airplanes with Paula the next day.  They drew a picture together that had all the things they had done together over the last couple of days.  It is now in a plastic page protector so he can keep it forever.  As he was going to bed he told his grandpa that maybe he could go to visit her in Brazil but first he would need a map and a lot of pajamas.  I just love the way they think, it is absolutely adorable.

Enjoying a night out with their new friend!

The next day was New Years Eve.  For a treat we decided to go to the movies.  The kids have been begging to see Frozen again so Ray's parents took the kids while we went with his Grandparents to go see Saving Mr. Banks.  It was a fantastic movie.  It was also nice to be able to sit and watch a movie without being interrupted 100 times.

On our way home we stopped to pick up some supplies for a great New Years Eve/Anniversary party.  I love to just have some silly things for the kids to make the evening more eventful, so its not the same as any other night.  So I bought some cheap paper hats, glasses and noise makers for everyone.  My kids don't make it to midnight and honestly it has been awhile since I have watched the ball drop at midnight.  Instead we have a regular dinner then break out the party supplies and have an extra special dessert.  This time I got a cake for Ray's Grandparents and made a sundae bar for New Years.  The kids got a small slice of cake then they got to build their sundae with three choices of ice cream and a bunch of toppings.

I always make them take a family picture with me, someday they might appreciate it!

Happy New Years with Grandparents and Great Grandparents.  These are lucky kids

I just can't get enough of my boys the three small ones and the big one!

They were good sports for putting on the hats and headbands.  Happy New Years and Happy 65th wedding Anniversary!

Noise maker battle with Grandpa

I can't explain it I just love this one!

Cheers! To a great New Year and to 65 years of marriage.

The kids had a great time celebrating and I think it's so amazing for them to be able to celebrate with four generations of family members.  They are very lucky kids

Just a sweet moment between Lilly and Great Grandpa

The next morning we were on our way home. It was a long and excruciating drive.  I think all of us were just ready to be home.  It took me weeks to catch up on laundry and obviously a month to get all of our adventures posted but it was worth it.  The kids have been playing "Utah" ever since and want to go back to play in the snow.  I love building memories with our family.  It is one of my great joys as a mother.

Winter Trip 2013: Part 4 Las Vegas

After planning our trip out to Utah Ray's mom mentioned that it was her parent's 65th wedding anniversary on January second.  65 years is pretty big so I wanted to make sure Ray could get down there so we added on a few days and a couple of stops to our trip. 

We drove from Park City into Las Vegas.  It was a long day of driving and the kids were a bit fussy when we got there.  In hind sight I should not have pushed to get there for dinner.  We should have stopped and had dinner before because we got there and had some pretty cranky kids and some hungry adults.  It seemed to take forever to park and get checked in.  Then we had to take all of our stuff up to our rooms before trying to find a place to eat.  After checking out several options and making a decision Joe threw a fit and I lost it a bit (I may have been one of those hungry adults...just maybe).  I took all the kids back up to the room and told Ray to bring us food.  Luckily we had Ray's parents with us because his mom was able to help me take the kids up while his dad helped with the food.

Once everyone was fed and happy we tried to figure out sleeping arrangements.   We thought the sofa in the room would be a pull out bed for the kids but it wasn't  Luckily the are young enough to not mind the floor.  We took the comforter off of our bed and laid it out on the ground and told them it was like camping.  I think traveling with kids has taught me to be way more flexible than I used to be.  No bed for the kids....no problem...just put them on the floor.  They had a great time snuggling together and watching a little show before falling asleep.

One of the sweetest sights for a mamma is all of her kids sleeping!

 The next day we had planned to stay in Vegas and do some sight seeing.  We got up and had some breakfast at the little cafe.  Lilly happily scarfed down and entire adult egg breakfast.  I am a little afraid of what is going to happen when they are older.  Our plan for the day was to go to the Aquarium at Mandalay Bay, walk to the MGM Grand to have lunch at the rainforest cafe, then stop by the M&M store.  If the kids were good we planning on bringing them back through the Exacalibur so they could look around the kids area.  Let me tell you our plans were way to big for four little kids that have been traveling for over a week already. We ended up having to make some adjustments.

We did go to the aquarium but we got there an hour before it opens.  I know that most people don't have as many rambunctious kids as I do but most parents know and hour of time with nothing to do can be a killer of all things fun.  Luckily the aquarium is right near the convention halls and they were absolutely deserted.  So we held some races and let the kids run up and down this huge hallway.  I was nervous the whole time about someone coming and telling us to calm our kids down or get out of there but Ray just laughed at me like he normally does.  I can't help it I am just a worrier.  So we let them run.....and run.... and run.  They were pretty tired after that but they were excited to go see the Sharks.

Doesn't everyone run races in a Las Vegas Hotel convention center?

While we were waiting in line they started complaining about being tired but once we got into the exhibits they forgot all about it.  They loved looking at all the tanks and the different animals.  They are so interested in learning new things at this age.  Nick was interested in the piranha exhibit but I didn't really want to get into the details of how they shred all meat from the bones within seconds.  We also tried to pet the sting rays but I am not sure if any of the kids were actually able to reach in and touch them.  Joe kept trying but he would jerk his hand away as soon as they came near him.  I am pretty sure Lilly just wanted to jump in with them.  That little one thinks she is a little fish.

I try to remember to take some pictures of all of us.  Someday I know they will appreciate these family pictures.

At the end of our Aquarium adventure it was clear that we were not going to be able to continue with the day without going back to the room for some lunch and maybe a little rest.  I didn't know what we were going to be able to accomplish the rest of the day because several of the kids were just lost in fit land.  So we went back to the room and Ray brought us some lunch.  Traveling and staying in hotels can be so hard because sometimes I just need time to let my kids be fussy without being in public.  After lunch we watched some TV on our lap top and tried to get the kids to relax a bit.

After and hour or two we decided we could venture out again to try and do some of the other things on our list.  The kids really wanted to go see the big M&M store.  We only had one umbrella stroller for Lilly which means the boys had to walk.  Everything in Vegas ends up being farther than I think it is.  In my head I think "oh it's only two or three hotels away." but that ends up being a mile.  Luckily we made it with minimal fits about being tired of walking.  They had a reason to shape up because they had been promised some M&M's from the store if they had good behavior.  I know its kind of bribery but by that point I was desperate.

So excited about the giant M&M wall

They were so excited when we got there and saw the giant wall of candy.  They could hardly wait to get their bags.  Last time we were here they couldn't reach the levers so we had to help them.  This time they could do it all by themselves which resulted in some very full bags and a very large bill for us.  Unfortunately for Lilly she didn't make it all the way to the store.  She fell asleep in the stroller so I grabbed a small bag of pink and purple M&M's just for her.

Poor Lilly!

Initially we thought we would stop in the MGM Grand and see the lions and have dinner but apparently those lions haven't been there for years....oops.  So we were there at 3 in the afternoon with nothing else to do and we told the kids we could eat at the Rain Forest Cafe.  So we decided to have appetizers and fun drinks.  Little did I know that was going to add up fast and we should have just had a meal.  The kids had a great time though.  They each got a smoothie with a light up glass so that was very thrilling for them.  Of course we were able to have a little drink as well.  A mojito was just what I needed to relax after the amount of fussing we had that day.

Hanging out at the bar with Grandpa.  The kids loved the animal bum chairs.

After that we headed back to the hotel without looking at Excalibur.  The kids were so tired we ended up all having to carry someone.  By the time I got back to the hotel my arms were burning and numb at the same time.  Ray's parents had said we could take a little time to ourselves and they would watch the kids in the room.  So we ordered Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 for the kids and headed out for a few hours of time to ourselves.  It is amazing how nice it can be to get away just for a few hours.  The stress of traveling and holidays and driving can really start to build up. It was great to have a few hours to ourselves before we started the next leg of our trip

One thing Ray and I have learned from our travels is that in different cities our family is viewed differently.  Having a big family, especially with the boys all being the same age is not the norm.  I am aware of that.  I am used to stares and comments.  In LA people are always amazed and impressed that we handle it all so easily (I think we come off that way even though we feel like we are just keeping our heads above water sometimes).  In Utah no one even bats and eye at our large family.  In Vegas people look at us like we are completely nuts, or like we have the plague or something.  A year and a half ago we stopped in Vegas on our way home again but it was summer so we had all the kids at the pool trying to tire them out so they would sleep good and we got so many weird looks.  We just brush it off.  Our family is big and loud and they can be fussy and cranky but they are great kids, even in Vegas!

My loves!

The next day we got up and started on our journey to Arizona.

Winter Trip 2013 : Part Three Christmas in Utah

When we decided to have our holidays on the road I knew there were things I was going to want to do with the kids, traditions I wanted to keep, and ones that I didn't mind letting go of.  I was trying to think of some of the things that really make it feel like Christmas at our house and how I could bring that to a rental property.  The biggest thing I could think of was a tree.  We had talked about getting a tree once we got there but I knew that it would just be too much or we wouldn't really have time for it so I decided to make a portable tree for our trip.

I was trying to think of something flat, easy to pack and easy to decorate.  I decided to make a large tree out of felt and then have the kids help me decorate felt ornaments to go on it.  My kids love crafts so I knew they would be on board with helping and I think it came out perfectly.  I bought 1.5 yards of green felt but I probably only needed about a yard.  I bought the yellow star made out of think hard felt so it would stand straight.  I cut ornament shapes out of random pieces of felt that I had in my craft boxes.  Then I had the kids decorate them with glitter glue and sequins.

Putting up our travel tree

Our second day there Ray taped up our little tree and the kids helped put all the ornaments on.  If I were to use it again I might add some Velcro because the decorated ornaments were a little heavy and they fell off easily.  Even though they kept falling off I just loved it.  It made everything in the house feel like it had more Christmas spirit.

All finished.  It added just the right touch of holiday spirit.

 On Christmas Eve we had plans to go drive out to Roy to Ray's Aunt's house. I wanted to make sure we did some of our traditions that we would normally do at our house.  Our biggest one for Christmas Eve is each child gets one gift.  It is a special gift.  Ray chooses on special thing for Lilly and I pick out something for each boy.  This year the boys got Lego Star Wars watches.  They were so excited they ripped open the packages and dropped the pieces everywhere. It took awhile to find all the pieces to put it together.   

I love picking out a special watch for them each year.

Ray found a sweet little silver heart necklace.  She was so excited.  She kept saying "this is my heart necklace from daddy. It's beautiful."  I just loved watching the two of them.  It is so special to me because this tradition started with my dad.  Each Christmas eve he would (and still does) give my sister and I a piece of jewelry that we would wear to church that night.    It's just one of those things I have loved sharing with my kids.

Daddy and Daughter, it just melts my heart

Once we were all dressed it was time to get in the car.  We had about a hour drive to get to Roy.  Luckily the kids napped a bit.  It was the only quiet car ride of the entire trip and Ray and I had left our Audio book CD's in his parent's car.  But that's OK a little bit of silence was a good thing.  There wasn't much of that for the 12 days we were gone so we enjoyed the little time we had.

The kids were a little shy when we first got to Ray's Aunt's house but they warmed up quickly.  They started running around the house with their cousins and raiding the food table for snacks and goodies.  We had finger foods, appetizers and desserts.  I am pretty sure the kids ate nothing but chips and dip and sweets, then washed it down with some punch.  We tried to coax them to have some chicken or vegetables but it was no use.  I finally just gave up.

While the kids ran around we had some time to chat and visit with all of Ray's family.  We don't get out to Utah that often so it is always nice to visit.  At one point the boys came in where all the adults were and tried to sing jingle bells.  It was so cute.  Joe was so sad that his light up tie form Grandpa wasn't working that he couldn't really focus on singing.  They continued to run around for the rest of the night having a fantastic time.  Lilly wanted to "go for a swim" in Aunt Cathy's tub.  I don't think they have ever seen such a fancy tub which is why she thought it was a swimming pool.

Family picture with some great light up ties and necklaces from Grandpa.

We left late in the evening so we thought the kids would be asleep in the car by the time we got back to the condo but that was not the case.  They stayed awake the entire time talking about Frozen and singing the songs.  Then they would talk about Santa, presents, cookies and all sorts of Christmas fun.  They were so worked up I knew we weren't going to be able to put them to sleep right away.  So the boys and I set out a plate of cookies and milk for Santa and then Ray read them a story.  We found the book Santa is Coming to Utah at Wal-Mart that day.  The kids were excited to read a story about where we were visiting.  We did eventually get them into bed figuring even though it was a late night they would still be up early in the morning.

Lilly fell asleep but the boys were going strong at 10 o clock at night.

On Christmas morning, Lilly woke up about an hour before the boys.  So all of us grown ups and Lilly were sitting around the table having some coffee and tea waiting for the big event.  Finally we started to hear them stir.  Ray went to get all of them at the same time so they could see their presents form Santa at the same time.  Each year they are starting to understand and enjoy the anticipation of the holidays more.  This year they were so excited they could hardly stand it.

Starting to open their stockings

 Once they ran into the living room the chaos of Christmas with little kids began.  We always try to have just one present being opened at a time but that is so hard for the kids it rarely ever works.  The boys were very excited when they saw a note for Grandpa saying he had been naughty and got some coal.  Grandpa taught them the phrase "what the heck." and they have been saying it non stop ever since.

Grandpa opening his coal (chocolate coal) form Santa.

The kids were so excited about Aunt Bobbi being with us for Christmas morning they wanted to help pick out some more presents for her.  Joe picked out a red scarf which he insisted was exactly what she needed and James picked out a big butterfly necklace.  He also said it was just perfect.  They were just silly little presents but the boys tried to pick out nice things for her and she loved them.  Joe even told me later "Aunt Bobbi had her scarf on so it means she likes it and I did a good job picking it out."  I just love how thoughtful my boys are becoming.  It just makes me so proud.  

Aunt Bobbi Showing off her scarf.

The boys got scooters from Santa this year.  Of course we then had to tell them that they would have to wait until we were in Arizona to ride them because scooters are not very good in the snow.  They also got some new Nintendo games.  I have never played Skylanders but they seemed to love it.  I think James more so likes to play with the characters rather than the actual video game.  I'm sure that might change over time.  Lilly was absolutely thrilled with her pink dollies and her calico critters house. We made Ray's Parents their Shutterfly picture book that we do every year.  I know its the same thing every year but I think it's a good way to look back at all the adventures we have had in a year.

Lilly opening her It's a Small world doll.

I was able to keep Ray's gift a secret.  We got him the Large lego R2D2 set.  He still hasn't built it yet because he is trying to figure out where to do it without the kids getting into it.  I got a fit bit and an arm band for my iphone. Ray also got me and ornament that I love.  It is a small glass ornament with the year and all the things we did throughout the year on it.  Opening it totally made me tear up.  He just knows me so well. It really was a fantastic Christmas.

After presents I cooked our traditional Christmas breakfast.  We have poached eggs on corn bread, sausage, and grapefruit.  I am so glad that Ray's parents don't mind me cooking it.  We have had it in my family since before I was born.  I know that I could have a Christmas without it but it just makes it even better when I can share my family's traditions with his.

The kids played with their toys for awhile but they started getting antsy to go outside.  My kids are so used to going outside every day that they get the crazies if they can't run around.  So we bundled up and went for a walk.  Of course James went falling into every giant snow pile he found and Lilly tasted the snow every few feet, just to make sure it still tastes like snow.  

Some of Ray's family was able to come out to our condo for a Christmas Dinner.  Again the kids got to run around with their cousin and we had some time to chat.  

All in all it was a fabulous Christmas.  I can't believe it has taken me almost a month to get the post written.  I blame part of that on having to catch up from being away for so long.  I am going to try to get the last post about Arizona up soon.

Winter Trip 2013: Part 2 Loving the snow in Utah

While we were in Utah the only thing the kids wanted to do was play outside in the snow.  Right after we arrived they wanted to go running out and jump into the giant white piles outside our door.  Of course I was a little on edge because we had just arrived, the kids were running around and we were trying to unload the car.  They didn't want to hear any of my logical explanations about needing to unpack the car because the snow gear was on the bottom and if they gave us ten minutes it would be done.  Instead they just ran up and down the stairs screaming they wanted to play.  Yes I know its a lovely mental picture but hey....that's life with these four.

Once we got the bags out of the car I was able to start dressing them to play outside.  Like I said in my last post, I bow down to all moms who live in the snow because my gosh it takes forever to get everyone ready...then someone has to go potty....then they all have to go potty....then Lilly fills her diaper....then everyone is too hot because we aren't outside yet...oh my  it is just a lot of work. At least I knew it was only going to be five days of these snowy days so I tried to enjoy it.

My little snow buddies all ready to play.

I was worried that we would get outside and they would all freak out because it was so cold and immediately want to come back inside.  Fortunately they really took to playing outside in the snow quite well.  The only time we had tears was when Ray or his dad pegged the kids in the face with snow balls.  While the kids got some love from their momma their dad got a stern look of disapproval all while shrugging, laughing, and saying "Eh...they will get over it.  It's just a little snow."

It seems like everyday we were there we went through the process of dressing and going outside at least five times.  Get dressed, go out, come in for snack, go back out, come back in for lunch, for back out for a walk with grandpa, come back in for snack.  it was just endless.  But oh what fun they had.  James insisted on walking in the deepest snow he could find all the time.   I was so worried that he was going to sink all the way over his head or slide down the hills but he survived.  Lilly insisted on eating and tasting the snow constantly.  I am not sure how much dirt she ate that week but I am sure it was a significant part of her Utah diet.  Nick  got cold quickly but he was a trooper.  He really wanted to build a snow man and loved throwing snow over his head pretending to be Elsa from Frozen.  Joe helped the boy across the street shovel some of the snow off his sidewalk.  It was a new and fun things for our kids.  I'm sure if we lived there they would eventually find that the novelty wears off.

So much Fun.  The kids had to watch out for Grandpa and dad though.  They didn't hold back on the snowballs just because the kids are young.

Since we were in Park City for the holidays we decided to do some fun snowy activities.  Ray's mom really want to take the kids on a sleigh ride.  We found one that had a 30 minute ride in the evening.  So we bundled the kids up tight and headed out to the Park City ski resort.  The kids were so excited to be pulled by horses.  I was impressed that these two horses were able to pull a sleigh with all of us in it.  They stopped and gave the horses a few breaks while they encouraged the kids to sing jingle bells.  Joe was singing loud and proud.  He absolutely loves jingle bells.

The ride took us up the mountain a little bit to a small look out point where we could see the beautiful lights of Park City.  Not only could we see the normal town lights but there were tons of large trees decorated with bright christmas lights.  It was gorgeous.  At the end of the ride We got out and were able to see and pet the horses.  They were so hot they had steam coming off of their backs.  We tried to get a family picture but one of the horses kept trying to nibble on Nick's coat.  Even though we are not all facing forwards in a perfect family picture I still love it.  What an adventure that was.

Our nighttime sleigh ride was a blast

 I think the part that the kids enjoyed the most was inner tubing.  My family was never really that big into snow activities so this was my first time as well as the kids.  I know the Ray and his parents have been looking forward to doing this with the boys since they were born.

The park was great.  They had a small area for the little kids to go.  It had some blocks to play on a tiny hill and a machine that would pull the inner tubes in a slow circle.  Lilly stayed here most of the time.  We went two days and each day Ray sneaked her on to the first of the two big hills.  I stayed at the bottom while he took her so that I could take a round of pictures.  I could hear her little squeaky scream the whole way down.   I think I was more nervous than her.

The boys had a fantastic time.  The first half of the hill has a moving sidewalk that takes you up to the top of the run.  I was just amazed.  The few times i did go sledding as a kid I remember lugging my sled up the hill and practically killing myself to get high enough to make it worth the ride.  This was awesome.  We just grabbed our inner tubes and stepped on the ramp.  The first time we went up Nick did tell me that he was a little nervous because he didn't know how fast it would go but that he still wanted to go.  We went in several groups so that each boy didn't have to go alone. I could hear Joe screaming "THIS IS SO AWESOME!!" all the way down the hill.

After the first time down the shorter hill the boys decided it was time to go up to the second tier.  After getting off the first ramp we had to walk a little farther and get hooked onto this pulley system.  We sat down in the inner tubes and an employee hooked us onto the rope and up we went.  I have to be honest.  I was a little scared.  I don't like the felling of being out of control and throwing myself down a mountain is on my list of things that makes me feel like I am out of control but it was very fun once I relaxed a bit.  James like the smaller hill a little better but Joe and Nick were addicted to the speed of the high hill.  It was a great couple of days out in the snow.

What a great time!

I loved watching Ray with the kids.  We often get so weighed down by our daily grind of parenting that we don't get to truly enjoy all the moments.  This was one of those times where I could tell he was just enjoying the time with the kids.  He laughed as he shoved the kids down the hill listening to their cheers and screams of delight.  It is such a thrill to just watch them have fun together.  Ray had a great time launching each child down these steep hills while my protective mommy side wanted to grab them back. He would just turn around and laugh each time I gasped while we watched our boys soaring down these mountains.  It was just one of those times where I fall in love all over again.  He is the best husband and Dad any of us could ask for and little moments like these make me appreciate him so much.

Next time I will write about all our holiday fun!

Winter Trip 2013: Part one Driving for two days with four kids.

As we were starting to make plans for the holidays, my in laws were trying to figure out when would be a good time to visit their family in Utah.  They wanted to take the kids to see the snow, so they were talking about dates in the winter. I mentioned that the boys were out of school for two weeks at Christmas time and other than that, they didn’t really have any big chunks of time off school. After a little bit of discussion it was decided that this whole crazy family would be taking a road trip over Christmas and New Years. My parents had already made plans to be with my sister in Virginia so we didn't have to worry about my side of the family.   It is not a small task (I should say that it is a big task but I do love doing it) to put together a nice family Christmas while at home. It is even harder to do it on the road.

As soon as we decided that we would be traveling over the holidays I started making plans, but not the kind that I was used to making.  Instead of planning my holiday menus and inviting family for parties, I was figuring out itineraries and talking to Mr. Train about hotel arrangements for our family. Here was our schedule.

Day 1: Drive to Saint George Utah, stay at a hotel
Day 2: Drive to Park City, stay in rental condo
Day 3-6 Enjoy park city and celebrate Christmas
Day 7: Drive to Las Vegas, stay at the Luxor Hotel
Day 8: sight see around Las Vegas
Day 9: Drive to Surprise Arizona
Day 10-11: Hang out with Family, celebrate New Years and Ray's Grandparents 65th wedding anniversary
Day 12: Drive home

 Looking back at it now I know why so many people thought we were crazy.  Most of my family and friends said, “Good luck with that” or “oh my God you’re crazy,” or “wow glad it’s not me.”  To be honest it was a bit of a crazy trip, but the memories we made with our kids and the holiday we had was worth all the craziness and the 40+ hours of driving.

We have done this road trip out to Utah several times since becoming parents, and we seem to be learning a little more each time. For example there is no way I can pack for all six of us for 12 days without washing clothes. Let me do some math for you. 4 kids x 12 days would be 48 pants and shirts and pajamas, not to mention we have to throw in all the ridiculous amounts of snow gear (moms who live in climates where it snows a lot I bow down to you because good lord it takes forever to get everyone dressed), and clothes for my husband and I. I also learned that for nights on the road, it’s good to pack one small overnight bag for the whole family so that the entire car doesn’t have to be unloaded at each stop.

These trips, and parenting in general, have forced me to be a more flexible person (not easy for a person like me). Google maps said it would take 7 hours our first day of driving but Google didn’t know we were going to have to stop at every rest stop between Baker and Las Vegas because someone had to go to the bathroom. Each time we unloaded all four kids to try to go and still we would only make it about 20 miles before someone else had to go again.

We thought we would be in Vegas at lunch time around the same time as my in laws who left from San Diego but they were about an hour behind us.  The timing just wasn't going to work.  There was no way we could entertain the kids at a restaurant for and hour before they got there or wait while they ate once they did arrive.  So of course plans had to change.  McDonald's it would be.  We had hoped to eat quickly and get back on the road but of course things just take so long when trying to herd four children around.

We did eventually make it to our destination.  After a few arguments between the driver and the navigator of course, we managed to find out hotel and meet up with Rays parents.  The kids were absolutely hyper after being in the car from 8:30 in the morning until dinner time but I knew we were going to have to eat somewhere but I was dreading going to a restaurant.  So first we let the kids run around the back of the hotel for a little bit where they found the smallest patch of snow.  You would have thought they won the lottery.  It was hilarious to watch them fuss over this small patch of snow when I knew tomorrow we would be heading into areas where there were several feet of snow on the ground.

Lilly tromping through the piles of snow

They have no idea how much snow will be in Park City

Then we headed off to The Olive Garden in hopes that the kids would be able to maintain some sort of composure throughout the meal.  To my surprise they actually did pretty well. I had to get up a bunch to take them to the bathroom but whats new... I don't think I have sat through very many meals in the last five years.  Ray had to take Nick outside for a little chat when he refused to sit in any chair because James had claimed the one he wanted but it didn't turn into a full blown kicking and screaming fit so I consider that a win.

It took awhile for everyone to calm down back at our hotel room.  Bed time after being in the car all day can be quite an interesting situation.  We did have to make some compromises to make everyone happy.  The twins ended up on the couch bed.  Lilly and I were in one queen bed and Ray and James were in the other.  James was not feeling very well and spiked a little fever right at bed time (Of course in my head I was freaking out.....not right at the beginning of the trip.... not a sick kid) and daddy was the only thing that was making him feel better.  Luckily he woke up feeling fine.

Lounging in our Hotel room

We had breakfast down in the lobby and packed up.  I think it was around 8:30 when we were on the road.  Rays Parents took the job of driving in the van with the kids and let us drive their car.  We were actually able to listen to our audiobook we brought.  Of course we had a lot of stops to make and I know the kids were getting excited.  Each stop we made had a little more snow on the ground.  As we got closer to Salt Lake it even started snowing.  They thought that was the best!  It was really funny to see my silly kids get so excited about dirty old snow on the ground at every gas station we stopped at.  (I think people could tell we were from out of town).

They insisted on playing in this snow at a rest stop while the people in the car next to us laughed.

Luckily we made it to our destination in Park City.  My mother in Law had rented a lovely Condo.  The kids ran up and down the stairs excitedly.  They found the room with the bunk bed in it so they knew immediately that it was theirs.  Ray began the daunting task of unloading everything from the car while I tried to herd the kids out of his way.  We pack in large duffel bags instead of suitcases because it was easier to shove them in the car in random places but man they are heavy.  He also had some packages from Santa that we were carefully trying to hide.  Fortunately they kids were so busy running and screaming their heads off that they didn't even notice what Ray was carrying up the stairs.

Next time I will write about all our adventures in Utah and celebrating Christmas on the road.

Another Holiday With An Empty Crib And A Heart Full Of Hope

I know this might seem like an odd title for someone with four kids but, as some of you may know, my journey to becoming a mother was not exactly easy.  While I was struggling with infertility, I often wrote down some of my thoughts.  It felt like it was one of the only ways to get them all out.  I really thought people wouldn't want to talk about it with me.  If I complained out loud, I worried I might offend one of the many pregnant women (including my sister) in my life.  I wrote this before Christmas 2007.  It was just shy of a year before I became a mother.

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Here come the holidays again. The past couple of years this time of year has been tough.  Last year we had been trying for six months and I really thought by now, a whole year later, this would be in the past and I would be a mother. Each month is a struggle, but Christmas seems even harder. A holiday that is meant to share with family and children just seems like a cruel reminder of what I want more than anything and yet can’t have. Let's face it -- the whole holiday is about the birth of a baby. And then New Years comes and the year changes over to the next. One more slap in the face to remind me that time is passing without building my family.

I am the type of girl who loves Christmas. I swear, to my very core, I live for sharing holiday joy with those around me and I am just having trouble this year. It is killing me. My sister is due in a few months with her third child. I am so excited to meet my new niece, but I can’t help but look at her and wish it was me. I want to be a stronger person who doesn’t  have those jealous feelings, but when I see her with her kids, I can’t help but want my own to cherish the holidays with.  There are so many traditions I want to pass onto my own kids, but I don’t know when or if it will happen.

Well with all that being said, I have been listening to one particular Christmas song that has just one line in it that I play over and over again. It’s called Christmas Pipes by Celtic Woman.  It goes through different instruments, bands and choirs and talks about how they bring the Christmas spirit with them.  The one line I hear over and over again in my head is, “Christmas strings, Christmas strings, Playing the peace that Christmas brings.”  I long for that Christmas peace.  I used to feel this calm in my soul while we celebrated with family and friends.  I am going to find that peace again. I have to.

I know that I am not going to be perfect.  There will be more tears, there will be more heartache, but I am going to try my best to fill my heart with hope and peace instead of jealousy and anger.  I gave up my fertility treatments two months ago.  I can’t do it anymore.  I hate the medications, the shots, the mood swings, and especially the disappointments. I am a fertility treatment drop out. I have turned my heart and soul to another direction. I don’t know where we will be next year.  I don’t know what journey we will take, but we have gone to an adoption agency that we liked. The next step is to fill out some applications that we are working on (I have never had to answer so many questions in my life).  The room in our house that will be our nursery is still empty. There is no perfect little baby in my arms but I finally feel like we might be getting closer.

So come on Christmas.  I am ready for you. I am filling myself with peace and joy and the hope for the coming year. I am not going to let that idea of an empty crib haunt me. I am not going to distance myself from those that I love. Next year I could be a mom or pregnant and if I am not, I will be reminding myself that I am not always the one in control.  I have to have faith and I am trying to focus on the fact that this journey I am on is the path I am meant to take.  That is the peace that Christmas brings and fills my heart with hope.

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I can’t read this without tearing up.  This was six years ago and I have four beautiful children that I am sharing all of my holiday traditions with, but the pain that I felt is still very real.  I still very much relate to other women who are struggling to build their families.  I just wanted to share these words that I wrote before becoming a mother, because I know so many who are in the same place as I was.  I think whether you are trying for your first, second or third child, the wait can become unbearable at times and Christmas can often be a huge reminder of that.  My wish for those who are waiting is that you find your peace.  Take time to center yourself and your heart and then let yourself experience the joy that comes with the holidays.

Wreaths Across America: A Christmas Tradition

Last year my family attended an event that was really moving to me.  It may seem like an unusual family tradition but I really enjoyed it.  I say it might be unusual because it takes place in a cemetery.  I know what you must be thinking… a Christmas tradition at a cemetery?  I know it just sounds odd, but last year we attended our first Wreaths Across America. It is a nationwide event that started in Arlington, and has grown to include over 800 veterans' cemeteries.  Their mission is to Remember, Honor and Teach. It’s always on a Saturday in December, and it was one of the most moving and memorable things I have attended.

I had never heard of this event until last year.  My aunt had mentioned that she wanted to go because my Uncle and she used to go together.  My uncle had passed the year before and we were all, and still are, mourning his death. As a family we decided to gather together and support my Aunt. My uncle was a retired Marine and often enjoyed events that would celebrate and honor those who have served. I wasn't sure what to expect, but I was pleasantly surprised and touched by the whole thing. We attended Wreaths Across America at Fort Rosecrans National Cemetery in San Diego. I knew it would be an emotional morning not only because it was something my Uncle liked, but because he is also buried there along with my grandparents.

Marines ready to present the flags at the beginning of the ceremony

In the morning there was a lovely ceremony.  They had chairs set up for the audience on a large grassy area.  They had several speakers talk about the memories of those who have served, those who lost their lives, and those who are currently serving. I often get caught up in the hustle and bustle of holiday schedules, but this morning I took the time to sit and listen. So many people in my family have served and are currently serving in all the different branches of the military. It was nice to take a minute to remember all of those people. During the ceremony they dedicate a wreath to each of the military branches. Each person in the audience who belonged or was currently serving stood while their wreath was brought to the front. I have to admit I had to choke back tears as I watched my dad stand while they played the Marine Corps Hymn and presented the wreath.  So many times I had seen him and my Uncle standing side by side for their anthem. I certainly felt him there with us that morning.

Dedication of the wreaths

At the end of the ceremony they gave everyone instructions for placing wreaths around the cemetery.  There were uniformed volunteers from various branches who had assignments  to place wreaths on those graves who had received medals of honor and those who were killed in action. Besides those wreaths, everyone was welcomed to place wreaths on any gravestone they wished and help honor those who have served our country. Although they don't have enough wreaths for the entire cemetery, there are huge sections that are completely covered in wreaths. It was a very humbling experience for me because not only are all the graves from people who have served in our military, but each of those wreaths were placed by someone who came to pay their respects.

A very moving sight from the morning.

Although this is a beautiful ceremony and the sight of the cemetery decorated is gorgeous, it can be a difficult thing for kids. We did not take the kids the first year because I didn't know what to expect. This year the kids wanted to go, but we missed the ceremony. We were still able to go and view the wreaths and see where my Uncle and Grandparents are interred. It of course brings up a ton of questions, but James has been asking them already.  He asks me all the time if my Uncle is in heaven playing with our dog Bailey and where is he buried. I figured it would be a good time to take him and help answer his questions.

We told them about paying their respects and coming to this calm place to remember our loved ones. It's hard for kids, but I think it's OK to teach them about it if they are asking questions. I think it's also important to help remind them that Christmas is not just a holiday about presents and cookies and candy, but that it's about family.  It's about giving our family members part of our heart and showing them our love.  I remember those family members who we have lost. I tear up at the thought of a family who can't celebrate together because a member of their family is over seas. I outright cry at the thought of families who are also mourning the loss of their family members. I want to share those emotions with my kids because they are real, and they are a part of who I am during this holiday season.

I am glad they are learning how to honor those we have lost during the holiday season.

Like I said, I know it sounds weird to have a Christmas Tradition that involves going to a cemetery, but if you ever have the chance to see the wreaths on any of the national cemeteries it is truly a beautiful and humbling sight.